It stings. It burns. It cracks your heart right inside of your chest. It's that time of year again, the one where everybody is showing off what you've never had the luxury of having. It's Father's day, and your father is not in your life. He's not around or he's too busy with whatever he prioritized over you. Drugs, alcohol, you name it.
You log onto facebook and see so many happy people; thanking their fathers for the lives they've been giving. Maybe you're just a little jealous. It's okay, I am too. You have every right to be. It sucks, plain and simple. It sucks so badly to see everything you never had. Your friends had it, maybe your cousins had it too. But you didn't, and now the day feels empty.
You're not alone. You're never alone in this. You're allowed to feel angry, upset, jealous, bitter. You're allowed to feel every single emotion that you have.
You put a giant X on the calendar, reminding yourself that the day is coming and you will need to survive it. You aren't the only one either, even when it feels like you are. You're laying in bed, cradling your pillow while others are busy taking their present fathers for granted.
The feeling of not being good enough settles into the empty void of your emotions. The hours feel longer than ever, passing so slowly that it nearly gives you a headache. The thought of seeing one more picture of someone with their dad is nauseating.
You're not alone.
Believe it or not, there is a beauty to be found within that pain. You get all of the credit for growing into the incredible person you are. Anybody who is in your life does as well. You get to look in the mirror and see your accomplishments knowing that your father can't take a single ounce of credit for it. You are self-made. You chose to take a better direction than the one person who was supposed to hold your hand through life. You made the choice to wake up and see the sunrise. You worked your ass off for the things you have. You pushed yourself to be everything your father wasn't.
So, wish yourself a happy father's day. Wish your mother a happy father's day. Wish it to your grandparents, uncles, aunts, friends, and anybody else who picked up the loose ends that you were left with.
It takes a village to raise a human, and even if it doesn't feel like it, you've got a whole village of people supporting you. Standing behind you as you make your most imperative steps in the world. Whether it be two or twenty people in your life who helped you, you're not alone.
You will survive Father's day this year and next year and the years to come because you are a strong, kickass person who deserves the world that your father didn't give you.
You don't need him, I promise.