Healing for the unhealed
Start writing a post
Student Life

My Journey To Closure Started With An Honest Conversation With Myself

As a tweet once beautifully read: “Do you really want 'closure' or do you want an excuse to talk to him again in case he has had enough time to come up with the right words to say for you to settle?"

77
My Journey To Closure Started With An Honest Conversation With Myself
Montez Williams

Almost two months to the day and I still find myself constantly struggling to close this chapter of my life.

I have prayed more times in the past two months than I can remember doing in the past 18 years.

I have prayed for peace.

I have prayed for healing.

Unanswered prayers may be the reason people dance with the devil.

I have cut the stem of the flower you planted in my soul but I have yet to dig out the root.

This can only be done if I back to see if I could pinpoint exact moments when I fell in love.

One.

I have never invited anybody to Thanksgiving dinner in my life. I was even nervous to ask you. Yet there you were with my family, laughing and conversing. To me, making a man a plate was like a "wifely duty." You're the only man I've ever made a plate.

Two.

I think about the time when you came to the realization we wouldn't be together and I cried in your bed and you wiped my tears. Then you cried seeing me cry and I don't know if I've ever seen anything more beautiful. It was the moment I knew that even if we weren't connected, our souls were somehow intertwined.

Three.

I was thinking about the night in January when I had a little too much to drink. I showed up at your house while we were in some minuscule argument and I climbed in your bed and we continued to bicker back and forth because you were so upset with me. I went and laid on the couch and you came to get me and told me to come back to bed and you held me. I thought that was our way of making peace; a treaty. I tried to hold your arm and you said, "No, we're not being lovey-dovey. I brought you in here so you can be comfortable because this is how we usually sleep." I knew that was special. Being upset, but being able to sacrifice that for a moment for my comfortability.

You're the only person I've shared a bed with; who has made the fire in my soul not smolder but feel at peace. I don't know if I can explain why it worked that way or how, but it did.

I've been trying to figure out what was in me that you chose to commit to.

Until reality sank in and it hit me.

You didn't want to commit to me.

I don't know if you ever would have.

I realized no matter how strong the connection I thought we had between us was authentic and one of a kind...your connection to her is stronger because she has something that made you do something you swore you didn't want or have the attention to give: commitment.

In its truest form.

I'll never be able to combat that.

That was it.

That's the closure.

The realization you never really wanted to be with me, to begin with.

I didn't need to have a conversation with you to realize that.

I needed to have an honest conversation with myself.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Featured

How Long Would It Take To Mine A Bitcoin?

No one will give you the correct answer to this question because there are a lot of details that they need to know. But, you can roughly estimate it based on the equipment you have a few more factors. One thing that needs to be mentioned is that mining has changed a lot over the years.

24844
Mine A Bitcoin

they need to know. But, you can roughly estimate it based on the equipment you have a few more factors. One thing that needs to be mentioned is that mining has changed a lot over the years.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

5 Cakes You Need to Try This Winter

Spending the winter trying different cakes can be a great way to combat seasonal depression. Lift the spirits of your entire family by trying these five cakes.

36449
Try This Winter

The winter can be a dull time spent indoors with very little change. But, it doesn't have to be that way. There are plenty of ways to spice up your daily routine, and dessert is one of them.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

5 Reasons to Consider a Career as a Defense Lawyer

Lawyers are supposed to be unbiased. Lawyers are trained to look at both sides of an issue and give equal weight to each side. It is meant to be their mantra, "My client is innocent until proven guilty."

107144
Career as a Defense Lawyer

Lawyers are supposed to be unbiased. Lawyers are trained to look at both sides of an issue and give equal weight to each side. It is meant to be their mantra, "My client is innocent until proven guilty." But if you're thinking about becoming a defense attorney, it's not this pretty simple. Defense lawyers argue that their clients are innocent because they don't want their actions to seem suspect in any way. They essentially say for the sake of the argument itself. If you're trying to decide whether or not becoming a defense attorney is something you would like to do, here are five reasons why it's worth considering:

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

What Everyone Should Know About Online Degrees

Nowadays, many working adults, high school graduates, and retired lifelong learners are choosing to advance their careers, lives, and personal knowledge by completing school at home.

203889
Online Degrees

The rising popularity of online college and graduate school degrees has completely changed the face of education and student life. It's no longer necessary to pack up all your belongings and head off to a distant locale in order to earn a diploma. Nowadays, many working adults, high school graduates, and retired lifelong learners are choosing to advance their careers, lives, and personal knowledge by completing school at home.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

What I am thankful for

I am saying one thing that I am thankful each day for until Thanksgiving. You try it to it will bring you joy.

150804
It's Thanksgiving time
Element5 Digital

November 1st, I am thankful for God and Jesus. I put my faith in them, they protect and help me through the happy and the sad in life. I could not imagine a world without them.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments