To The Boy Who Took Advantage Of Me

To The Boy Who Took Advantage Of Me


Thank you,

You probably would have never heard these words come out of my mouth. Wondering why? The past 3 years I’ve been silent about the worst attacks of my life. The first time it wasn’t during it that hurt. It was the aftermath. The sitting at 2 a.m. crying myself to sleep because I didn’t want to go to school the next day. It was the walking down the hallway seeing your face and running as fast as I possibly could so I could get to the bathroom and cry. It was hearing the snickering behind my back. Hearing the words “Don’t date her she’s nasty, and she claims rape” over and over again. It was the people telling me it was all my fault. “You ruined their lives, you’re a stupid whore.” It replayed a million times. The tears fell hard. I learned that year keep your head low tell them what they want to hear and it’ll all be over. I had to learn everything all over again. It wasn’t the act that destroyed me. It was sitting with two police officers telling them over and over again what happened. It was the whispers. God, damn it, it was the being blamed. I was 15 and I didn’t know wrong from right. It was you two that destroyed me. It was not telling my side of the story, I was the one to blame.

The second time it wasn’t the aftermath that killed me the most. It was during. Crying. Wishing it would stop. Thinking what have I done to deserve this. Why me? Why again? The tears didn’t stop. They kept flowing and flowing. I finally got to breathe. You finally left. I drove with tears. The worst, I had to pick up my best friend’s cousin. I had to pretend I was so happy. And not act as if I just got sexually assaulted. My best friend. If it wasn’t for her I wouldn’t speak up willingly to tell the police what happened.

Why did you do that to me?

Seeing your face on campus that day. Brought back the most painful times of my life. It hurt. The panic arose and I ran. I called and I breathed. It has been almost 3 years why does it still bother me? It shouldn’t. but you stared me down. You knew what you did. You had that smirk. God damn it why did you do this?

15, was the age. The age my world got turned upside down. 16 was the age my world ripped apart. 17 is the age I recovered. 18 is the age I am happy again. You took a part of me that night. You took a part of me that day. You stole my identity. You still my will. You stole my happiness. You stole my forgiveness. You stole my ability to trust. You stole my ability to love. You stole me. You stole my ability to tell society what happened. To tell the whole damn world what you took from me. To tell society it isn’t okay to victim shame.

Today I have everything I ever wanted. Because of you, I learned that I am stronger than I think I am. Because of you, I am pursuing a career that’ll give women a voice the one I never got. Because of you, I became a strong god damn woman. Because of you, I conquered fears I never have. Because of you, I learned that the only person you need in this scary world is myself. I will continue to beat the odds. The odds of ending my life after a truly horrific event. Not one but two. I’ll continue working on myself. I will continue making myself happy in every possible way. These events taught me so much. I wouldn’t wish them upon my worst enemy. But I wouldn’t be the person I am today if I never went through what I have. They were scary. But they made me strong. They made me fearless. They made me a survivor. I am Harley and I am a survivor. That you cannot take away from me. You will not take anything away from me again.

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I Went To "The Bachelor" Auditions

And here's why you won’t be seeing me on TV.

It’s finally time to admit my guilty pleasure: I have always been a huge fan of The Bachelor.

I can readily admit that I’ve been a part of Bachelor fantasy leagues, watch parties, solo watching — you name it, I’ve gone the whole nine yards. While I will admit that the show can be incredibly trashy at times, something about it makes me want to watch it that much more. So when I found out that The Bachelor was holding auditions in Houston, I had to investigate.

While I never had the intention of actually auditioning, there was no way I would miss an opportunity to spend some time people watching and check out the filming location of one of my favorite TV shows.

The casting location of The Bachelor, The Downtown Aquarium in Houston, was less than two blocks away from my office. I assumed that I would easily be able to spot the audition line, secretly hoping that the endless line of people would beg the question: what fish could draw THAT big of a crowd?

As I trekked around the tanks full of aquatic creatures in my bright pink dress and heels (feeling somewhat silly for being in such nice clothes in an aquarium and being really proud of myself for somewhat looking the part), I realized that these auditions would be a lot harder to find than I thought.

Finally, I followed the scent of hairspray leading me up the elevator to the third floor of the aquarium.

The doors slid open. I found myself at the end of a large line of 20-something-year-old men and women and I could feel all eyes on me, their next competitor. I watched as one woman pulled out her travel sized hair curler, someone practiced answering interview questions with a companion, and a man (who was definitely a little too old to be the next bachelor) trying out his own pick-up lines on some of the women standing next to him.

I walked to the end of the line (trying to maintain my nonchalant attitude — I don’t want to find love on a TV show). As I looked around, I realized that one woman had not taken her eyes off of me. She batted her fake eyelashes and looked at her friend, mumbling something about the *grumble mumble* “girl in the pink dress.”

I felt a wave of insecurity as I looked down at my body, immediately beginning to recognize the minor flaws in my appearance.

The string hanging off my dress, the bruise on my ankle, the smudge of mascara I was sure I had on the left corner of my eye. I could feel myself begin to sweat. These women were all so gorgeous. Everyone’s hair was perfectly in place, their eyeliner was done flawlessly, and most of them looked like they had just walked off the runway. Obviously, I stuck out like a sore thumb.

I walked over to the couches and sat down. For someone who for the most part spent most of the two hours each Monday night mocking the cast, I was shocked by how much pressure and tension I felt in the room.

A cop, stationed outside the audition room, looked over at me. After a brief explanation that I was just there to watch, he smiled and offered me a tour around the audition space. I watched the lines of beautiful people walk in and out of the space, realizing that each and every one of these contestants to-be was fixated on their own flaws rather than actually worrying about “love.”

Being with all these people, I can see why it’s so easy to get sucked into the fantasy. Reality TV sells because it’s different than real life. And really, what girl wouldn’t like a rose?

Why was I so intimidated by these people? Reality TV is actually the biggest oxymoron. In real life, one person doesn’t get to call all the shots. Every night isn’t going to be in a helicopter looking over the south of France. A real relationship depends on more than the first impression.

The best part of being in a relationship is the reality. The best part about yourself isn’t your high heels. It’s not the perfect dress or the great pick-up lines. It’s being with the person that you can be real with. While I will always be a fan of The Bachelor franchise, this was a nice dose of reality. I think I’ll stick to my cheap sushi dates and getting caught in the rain.

But for anyone who wants to be on The Bachelor, let me just tell you: Your mom was right. There really are a lot of fish in the sea. Or at least at the aquarium.

Cover Image Credit: The Cut

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11 Amazing TV Shows That Are Ending in 2019

All good things must come to an end.


It might just be the beginning of 2019 but there are many TV series wrapping up already. There are many breathtaking and original pilots around along with several reboots coming. This might be one of the greatest year for TV.

However, all good things must come to an end. Some series have been planned out and are going to be finished while others have been cut short. Sadly, here's a list of TV series to say goodbye to this year.

1. The Big Bang Theory (CBS)

Final Date: May

12 Seasons//279 episodes

2. Orange is the New Black (Netflix)

Final Date: End of 2019

7 seasons//91 episodes

3. Jane the Virgin (CW)

Final Date: Mid-late 2019

5 seasons//100 episodes

4. Games of Thrones (HBO)


Final Date: Summer

8 Seasons//73 episodes

5. Broad City (Comedy Central)

Comedy Central

Final Date: March

5 seasons//50 episodes



Final Date: Spring

7 seasons//67 episodes

7. Homeland (Showtime)


Final date: Summer

8 seasons//96 episodes

8. Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (Netflix)

Final date: January 25

4 seasons//52 episodes

9. The Affair (Showtime)


Final Date: End of 2019

5 seasons//42 episodes

10. Friends From College (Netflix)

Final Date: End of 2019

2 seasons//16 episodes

11. Crashing (HBO)


Final Date: End of 2019

3 seasons//24 episodes

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