Whether this is your first college spring break, your last or you’re somewhere in the middle, everyone knows what’s expected out of us college spring-breakers. We have to be sexy, we have to be drunk, we have to be fun and we have to make sure everyone knows we are all of these things. And while spring break is all for this kind of scandalous, wild, “I’ll never see you again” rendezvous, below is a list of the eight types of people you don’t want to be this spring break.
1. The Curfew
This person is usually the last one to the party and the first out the door, still completely sober. Somehow they always have somewhere to be that isn’t at this rager, and they swear its not because their mom is making them go home. I mean, really, who has a dentist appointment at 10 p.m. on a Saturday night?
2. The High School Kids
No one knows how they got here or why they’re on the table, but somehow they are. They travel in packs and try to lure in unsuspecting party-goers to hit on. Without fail, this party is all over their Snapchat story and they “don’t remember anything” because they were “totally wasted.”
3. The "College" Student?
Sure, they might be in college, but that doesn’t change the fact that they’re 35. And with that in mind, they definitely shouldn’t be at a party with a bunch of people in their early 20s. It’s a little weird having someone who’s old enough to be your dad at a party, trying to match you shot for shot. And it’s even weirder when they try to get your number. We respect their desire to rage, but maybe next time they should rage with the other “college students.”
4. The Broke One
This person is most likely the worst person to invite to a spring break party. You need money to cover the cost of the alcohol? They left their wallet at home. The group is taking an Uber home and it’s their turn to pay? They don’t have their card linked to the app. We get it; you’re a broke college student. But so are the rest of us, chump.
5. The Couple
Sometimes, spring break rolls around, and for once in your life, you’re in a relationship, and — here comes the crazy part — its serious. We’ve all been there (OK, maybe we haven’t), but we understand. What we don’t understand is why neither of you have been out this spring break, and if you have, why you two only stand in the corner and talk to each other. Come out and have fun, before you get married, have two and a half kids and never get to go out again.
6. The Too Drunk Guy
We’ve all seen this guy before with his muscle tank, sunglasses on (even though it's dark) and a drink in each of his hands. He’s already done three keg stands and keeps starting USA chants. Its usually not long before he ends up passed out on the front lawn. But don’t worry, he always manages to ask for every female in the room’s number before he ends up face first in the grass.
7. The Too Drunk Girl
How do you spot the girl who’s too drunk? Easy, find the girl who’s clinging to another person, girl or guy, as if their life depends on it. Although she has koala’ed onto the nearest victim, she is still having a great time and refuses to leave. Her eyes are rolled back into her head, sometimes she’s crying, but somehow a big smile is still plastered on her face. Let’s be honest, the only way this girl is leaving is in an ambulance.
8. The Homebody
Its spring break, but this person has yet to leave their room. They’re playing video games, sleeping or scrolling through social media watching everyone else have fun. You haven’t seen them once this break because they’re too busy hiding. This is the last person you want to be this spring break.
Be too old, be too drunk, but don’t be too boring. Go out and have the spring break 2k16 of a lifetime. Us college students have a reputation to keep up.
