If you can't invest time, money, and YOURSELF, maybe say no to the offer for the bride's sake!
Being in a wedding is a really big commitment. I personally think if you've never been in one before, you don't understand the time, money, and energy that goes into being a part of it.
It's an honor, MOST DEFINITELY, but it's an honor for a reason. You're expected to contribute, and I think a lot of times girls just want the title of bridesmaid without having the responsibility that follows.
So before automatically saying yes because you're flattered, try to ask yourself if you're ready, willing, and able to put into it what the bride expects because if not, it could be a seriously bumpy road for the Bride, yourself, and your friendship!
Are you financially able to be in a wedding right now? If you're a bridesmaid, you can expect to spend money on the following:
- Bridal shower gift
- Your dress for the wedding
- Hair and makeup for the wedding
- Food and booze for yourself for the bachelorette party
- Money for the bride and groom for the wedding
- Dress alterations
- And even more, depending on the type of wedding you're in!
- If you're a maid of honor, expect to spend money on the same, but also to cover a lot (if not all) of the bachelorette decorations, bride tribe goodie baskets, bridal shower decorations, and more!
For me, I was READY and WILLING to contribute this because my best friend was getting married and I wanted her to be the happiest girl in the WORLD, but some people don't understand that this is the norm and expected from them.
If you are not in a good position to shell out money for a wedding, it might be best for you to explain this to the bride, and just say that it would be for the best if your spot was given to someone else who is able to contribute. This will help the bride in the long run and save her a bunch of stress. In a lot of situations though, the bride is more concerned you have the TIME to spend over the money. Not everything has to be pricey! You can get away with a lot of pretty things for a cheap price. You just have to have the TIME to do it!
Like I said, time is extremely important. Expect for yours to be devoted to A LOT of the wedding. Let's get this straight... everyone is busy. Everyone has either school, work, relationships, pets, medical issues, family issues, traveling engagements, etc. but if you feel like this could take away from the time you can put into a wedding: DON'T AGREE TO BE IN THE WEDDING.
Do not make the bride feel bad for obligations you can't prioritize correctly. If you know the entire duration of her wedding planning will be spent at a job, let another friend have your spot in the wedding who can contribute to the bridesmaid's duties. Because if you don't, that's unfair to the rest of the girls, and it's unfair to the bride as well! (Now, if you are upfront with the bride before and she still wants you to be in her wedding, that's a completely different ball game).
Also, ask yourself this: are you in a position in your life to treat the bride with 100 percent respect and have no envious feelings toward her?
If you feel like you'd be a bridesmaid who would start issues of something as small as not liking the dress you're supposed to wear maybe being a bridesmaid isn't really for you. One of the biggest things a bride wants to feel during her wedding process is a stress-free mindset. That's REALLY hard to do if you have bridesmaids making the process more difficult. If you're known to stress people out, take that into consideration and just pass on the opportunity.
It's sometimes hard to hear because we want to believe that we'll be in a wedding that will be super simple and involve no stress, but that normally is never the case. There is a lot that's involved with the wedding process and by choosing you to be a part of it, the bride is saying she trusts you enough to be a huge part of her day/life.
So before you actually commit to this HUGE part of a person's life, please please PLEASE for the love of God make sure you are ready and able to put time, money, and YOURSELF into it. It will not only save the bride's wedding day but it could save your friendship as well.
Lastly, should you choose to accept the title, make sure the bride doesn't have to hassle you to do your job. If you're not contributing at all and it seems like the bride is constantly having to reach out to you for support, you're clearly doing something wrong. Don't expect her to put in more effort toward your wedding than you're doing for hers. If you choose to go ahead and be in her wedding while not prioritizing her day, please just anticipate her doing the same for you because you get what you give.
If you give nothing, you can't always expect to get something.
Follow Swoon on Instagram.