If anyone knows me best, it's my mother. Even at 5 years old and 3.5 feet tall, she knew the persistent and planned obsessed little girl in front of her - one that always dreamed five times more than she should; that little naive girl whose plans always failed to include her own imperfections. I guess you can call it a hobby of mine, but unfortunately, unlike many my age, I always seem to think with the mentality that time is running out and that I'm running against the hour hand and the minute hand in a survivor race, trying to beat the time.

Despite how much my extensive planning has worked out so far, it's time for a change. But I find myself not knowing exactly how to change. This is the way I've always been: persistent in time, but five steps ahead. I planned for college since the 6th grade, knowing which states I wanted to apply to, which career I wanted, what long-term goals were on my list, and which short-term goals were most valuable. But to be honest, it's mentally tiring and frustrating. Not only have I made myself out to believe that I'm a failure of some sort or lacking in the ability to accomplish my current goals, but it also makes me value the present less.