I Will Probably Never Know What It's Like To Live Again Without A Mental Illness, And That’s OK
Once you've reached your lowest low, the only way forward is up.
I was diagnosed with multiple mental illnesses in high school; major depression, severe anxiety, panic disorder, and attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder.
I thought that was when they all started occurring, but I recently found out, that people in my family noticed them way before I ever did, they just never knew why they were happening.
Every day is a constant battle with my inner self. Every day I am fighting to keep myself from falling back into that pattern of life. I fight the thoughts, the pain, the habits, everything that defined me in those moments. Every day I wake up and the first thing I do is take my medication.
There's nothing you can do to get rid of a mental illness.
It's just something that you come to terms with and move on with in life.
I ignored the signs for so long and acted as if they were just normal parts of being in today's society. There are many potential reasons why I have mental illnesses. Genetics, biological factors, even the environment I grew up in. But it doesn't really matter why I have them.
All that matters is how I choose to handle them.
When I was officially diagnosed, medicine and therapy were the main options. I mean when you bombard a teenage girl raging with hormones with four extra mental issues, things get a little difficult to deal with.
Did I like the idea of opening up to a stranger about what's going on in my head? No. Did I like the idea of being dependent on a pill to deal with my chemical imbalance for the rest of my life? No. But I knew there was only one way to get better.
By actually trying. By actually dealing with my problems.
I knew that the person I had been was not the real person I was. I wasn't someone who liked staying in her room all week. I wasn't someone who normally carried this dark presence with her everywhere she went. I knew that wasn't who I wanted to be for the rest of my life.
I did whatever it took to get better. Everything that I could do that was in my power, I did. I still continue to do. And believe me when I say, they all affect one another. Because If one starts acting out, they all team up on me and can potentially take over.
But that's only if I allow them to take over.
If I allowed myself to be held back my mental illnesses, I wouldn't be alive today. There were many moments when I was at my lowest when I considered taking my own life.
But there was only one moment when I truly thought everything was no longer worth it, and even attempted to act on that thought.
And followed by that one moment, was many moments filled with reasons why I should keep living. Many moments of happiness. Many moments of laughter. And even moments partially clouded by those deep traits.
SEE ALSO: Yes, I Pulled Myself Out Of Depression, But That Doesn't Mean I Don't Still Struggle Every Day
Mental illness is not something that is just going to magically go away. It takes effort, hard work, determination, and perseverance.
I will probably never know what it is like to live again without a mental illness and that's OK because I know that my mental illnesses make me stronger.
I know that without them, I would have never been able to find what truly matters to me in life. I wouldn't be able to offer guidance to those that have realized they have mental illnesses too. I wouldn't have been able to realize that what doesn't kill you, truly only makes you stronger.
I may have four different mental illnesses, but I still live every day to my highest potential.
