GiphyMy brain is constantly making me feel like people are judging me for many things: my clothes, my makeup, my sense of style... everything.
GiphyI am scared to look people in the eyes in fear that they are going to think I'm being a creep about it.
GiphyI say sorry for literally everything. You don't like the weather? I'm sorry. Your favorite shoes got muddy? Yeah, that's my fault, too. I'm sorry.
GiphyI constantly feel the need to compare myself to others. Over everything, always coming out on bottom.
GiphyFalling asleep at a decent time does not happen, because my brain likes to replay that one time I called my teacher mom in elementary school and how everyone laughed at me.
GiphyI notice the very smallest details, and it's the worst. I automatically think I upset you even when you don't realize you've changed your tone.
GiphyI always worry how others view me and how they see me as a person.
GiphyI cannot relax without the fear that I am missing something, that I'm not doing something, that I am going to fail.
GiphyI can literally not bring myself to say "no" know matter what someone asks me. You want $500? Sure, I was just saving that up for school books.
GiphyI cannot bring myself to be less than 20 minutes early, for ANYTHING.
GiphyI honestly have to plan out every single move I make before I do it. And if it doesn't happen the way I plan, I freak.
GiphyIt's like I cannot function if I have more than two things to do unless I write a list of what needs done.
GiphyIt's like my brain can't comprehend anything without hearing it a dozen or more times.
GiphyI am so worried about what is going to happen in the future that I can't enjoy my present life.
GiphyRather than trying to fix what is stressing me, I preoccupy myself with other things.
GiphyAt the most random times, I'll remember the most embarrassing conversations and it is the worst.
GiphyIt is so hard to appreciate the good in your life when you are always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
GiphyI reject invites to go to the movies with friends because I just can't bring myself to go out.
GiphyI am always messing with my hair, pulling on my lips, anything to keep me moving.
GiphyI am such a procrastinator, even though it worries me something fierce. I cannot bring myself to do things early.
These are the daily conversations I have with myself every day and they are honestly the reason I struggle to get through the day. These are the things that make me worried to go outside of my room - why I just want to sleep every day.
I bought passes months before the lineup came out so I took my chances to wait and when the lineup came out, I was happy with my choice of purchasing them that early.
www.campflognaw.com
The moment when I saw the lineup, I was in utter awe because it was so many of my favorite artists that I have been dying to see such as BROCKHAMPTON, Kali Uchis, A$AP Rocky, Flatbush Zombies, and Kids See Ghosts.
I counted down the days until the festival and I was experiencing a whirlwind of emotions since I was gonna see a lot of my favorite artists but it was gonna be the first music festival that I would attend by myself.
Last year, I attended Lollapalooza, which is a music festival done in Chicago's famous Grant Park and I went with my sister. It was a lot of fun but dealing with her, got annoying since she didn't like some of the artists I was dying to see. Despite being my annoying sister, I'm glad to have experienced my first music festival with her.
I was feeling a plethora of emotions coming into Camp Flog Gnaw since I would be going by myself and had to completely rely on public transportation and ride-sharing getting to Dodger Stadium and back to Westwood.
It was not cheap whatsoever but I tried to find the cheapest options to save myself a few dollars and by the end of each night, I was beyond exhausted as I didn't get very much sleep, enduring an obnoxious amount of mosh pits, and just standing most of the festival.
Although there were a few unfavorable experiences, the festival was beyond fun since I love live music so much as it is one of my passions. I got to see a lot of my favorite artists and got to spend my 21st birthday weekend singing, dancing, and even crying along to their performances.
I made a few friends that I am still speaking to since they also came to the festival all by themselves which was nice that the people I met were so nice and welcoming.
I don't know if I would go to another festival by myself again since I did wish I could spend it with friends since it got kind of lonely. I've been to a concert by myself before and it did not feel as lonely as the festival did. I think since I saw people around me with their friends, it made me feel like that is what I was missing that weekend. It was definitely still fun and I did not have to rely on myself rather than on other people to choose certain sets over others. I would definitely not give up going to a festival if it meant going by myself though so it is a there is a possibility I would do it again.
