I'm not really sure what I'm doing.
So, freshman year is over. I finished all my classes and all my finals at the beginning of May. I went back home for two weeks and spent time with my family and friends. But now that I'm not home anymore, and I spend all my days alone in my apartment, I'm lost.
I don't really know what I'm doing. I fill my days with Netflix and the occasional Target run. It's a big deal when I get to go to the gas station to fill my tank. And if I'm really feeling it, I'll treat myself to an açaí bowl, you know, because what else am I supposed to do?
Yes, I could get a job. Trust me — I've tried. The thing is, I will be going back and forth between my home in Wisconsin and my apartment in Florida. No one wants to hire someone who can work for two weeks then be gone for the next four. I've applied to countless places in a variety of industries, I've had several interviews — each one was a no-go, which sucks, to be frank.
I wasn't able to take summer classes this year, so it's not like I'm avoiding school — I tried. I do everything I can during my lonesome days to find more clubs and activities I can be doing at school and on campus. I am thankful for Odyssey as that gives me something to do and enjoy during the summer, but I wish I could do more. Luckily, I've accepted several positions for clubs on campus that I am really excited about, but they don't start until the fall semester.
I have the same routine every single day. I wake up, I make the bed, I have breakfast, then I do the same chores: laundry, dishes, tidying up, etc. As I said before, it's a big deal if I get to leave the apartment to get gas or groceries or something... anything.
Frankly, it all sucks. I feel bad that I don't have anything to do and I feel a lot of pressure to do more with my time. But, I also feel kind of lost and empty. It definitely isn't the best feeling to have to explain to your parents and boyfriend who worked all day that you did absolutely nothing, yet again. And it definitely doesn't feel good waking up every morning knowing that there isn't a thing I have to do that day, yet again.
But in the midst of my sense of being lost, I've found a lot to be thankful for. I'm thankful that I am able to live comfortably and have a clear schedule, as many do not. I'm thankful that I have a boyfriend who comes home to me every day. I'm thankful that I will be able to go back home soon and spend some well-needed time with my family and friends. And, I'm especially thankful I have a full and exciting schedule coming up in the fall.
It sucks to feel lost, especially in the carefree time of summer when I should be living it up. But because of my lack of things to do right now, I'm incredibly more thankful and excited for all that is to come. I may be lost now, but I know that this is only temporary. Soon, I'll find myself and get back into a routine that I enjoy and love.