I Apologize, For Myself And For You
There is no guide to how to live life, so cut people a break.
So, I am going to be a senior next year, and lately, I have been thinking about all my years of school. In all, we have had schooling for 15 years, give or take.
In those years, we have experienced some sort of heartbreak, and I am not just talking about the romantic kind. I mean anything that had made your heart strings pull to the point that your chest feels physical pain. We have all experienced that.
We have all experienced love as well, which I think is the most breathtaking part of life so far. If you think about it, the heart is strong enough to hold something so fragile and heavy. This love weighs so much that it can break with the tiniest push or pull.
But the most miraculous thing about it is that it heals itself, even after the break.
With my life coming at a crossroads, I started to think of all the memories I have had throughout these years. Some of my happiest moments are with people I now consider strangers. Some of these people have upset me more than I thought was possible.
For a long time, I've carried hate for them. This made my heart so incredibly heavy. The light that I once was, now was changing hues. It was turning dark as I continued to carry the burdens of others' actions. I let these actions affect me in ways unimaginable, so crippling.
I was actually carrying weight on my shoulders, making me hunch.
Throughout my thinking, I have come to the conclusion that there is no need for a big "eff you" post like I was thinking of writing. This post is about forgiveness and apologies.
First, I was to apologize to anyone I have hurt in the past. Even if I unintentionally hurt you, I am sorry. I understand that others' actions have a ginormous impact on another. I am sorry if I have ever said hurtful things to you. I hope you know that I was acting out of emotion, and I generally thought I was doing best for myself at that time.
I did not understand the value of words and actions to the extent that I do now.
I apologize if my actions resulted in you hurting me, whether the thought weighs on you or not. I understand that you thought you were doing what was right in that moment. Maybe you have no idea that you hurt me, and that is okay, too. If you feel you have hurt me in any way, there is no hard feelings. I have healed.
I want you to know that I hope all your dreams come true and that you have a remarkable life. I hope you have happiness and love. I hope life makes you feel alive, and I hope you heal from all the pain you've carried.
You see, there is no reason for an apology from anyone. This is mine to all, my apologies and forgiveness all in one, no individualized notes, no mentioned names. If you happen to come across this and it affects you, I hope you see my words as they are.
I realized a long time ago that not everyone has the same heart as myself. That thought used to piss me off. "Why can't they? Then they'd know how it feels." But then, I saw that same thought going viral. I noticed we all feel that way, and I needed to stop my selfish thinking.
I am not the only one that this world revolves around. Everyone is just trying to figure it out. There is no guide to how to live life, so cut people a break.
We all have a gift, a superpower (for all Marvel fans); and that gift is love. We literally have the ability to heal ourselves with love, whether internal or external. I don't know about you, but that is the most badass thing I have ever seen.
We are able to open up again and again, but this time, we are stronger and wiser.
