This summer, I decided it would be a good idea for me to work two jobs in one day pretty much all week, totaling up to over 60 hours a week of working. When I thought about it in my head, it sounded good... until I actually started. I am on day 3 and I have officially lost it due to lack of sleep. My feet are killing me, my head is pounding. Of course, my second job of the day is customer service. Come on now, who wants to deal with customers after working a warehouse job 6:30-3? Not I. I wanted to do this for two reasons. The first reason was so that I was not bored, which I'm not, but I'd much rather be bored than feel the way I'm feeling now. The only good thing about this is the money, and let me tell you, I can not WAIT for those paychecks.
There Are Benefits To Every Struggle
How five major concussions deserve credit for shaping me into the broader person I am today.
The fifth time I sustained a major head injury, it was like a curtain descending over my consciousness. Literally, I experienced the unnerving effects of progressively diminishing vision before total blackout. Figuratively, I understood, in those final moments of confusion before losing consciousness, that my career in contact sports had come to an end. As I slipped into the void, a slightly-prolonged version of what many experience with anesthesia, it was not fear that I felt. Rather, I experienced a profound sense of mourning. Later, after the fog cleared slightly, I realized that I was unable to read a simple "get well" text message from a friend and sensed that the loss of my favorite pastimes would be the least of my problems.
Movies such as Concussion, along with recently-publicized deaths of former NFL players which have been attributed to CTE, Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy, have done much to raise public awareness about the dangers and possible terminal effects of head injuries in sports. What is discussed less is the potentially devastating and disruptive effect concussions have on normal cognitive function and what is often a lengthy and difficult road to recovery, both physically and socially. Personally, three years following my last major concussion, I still struggle to maintain focused concentration for extended periods of time or get through a school day without major headaches.
After my most recent concussion, my fundamental challenge was that for the better part of a year, I could not get through a lecture, a chapter in a textbook, or a problem set in mathematics, without experiencing mind-numbing headaches. I was told that I needed to give my brain "breaks" and that extended periods of inactivity were fundamental to the healing process. The more breaks I allowed myself, however, the further behind in my schoolwork I would fall. Even when I was able to push through the pain, it always felt like I was making a horrible trade-off between my academic record and my ultimate recovery.
Desperate to heal, but unwilling to compromise school work, I learned new ways to remember, became more efficient in my studies, and took advantage of any extra time or help my instructors were willing to offer. I interleaved periods of work and rest, allowing my body time to heal while still accomplishing what I could on assignments. My priority in these beginning stages, as I participated in cognitive, speech, and physical therapy, was to improve my most basic motor and cognitive abilities, while still maintaining high marks in school.
Eventually, the space between my headaches began to stretch out and I was able to think about more than just keeping my grades. My cognitive faculties began to improve and my mind began to open again. It was only with this improvement that I started to feel the void in my life that I once worried about at the moment of the injury. Sports had occupied so many hours of my life that once I found my way back to having free time, I didn't know how to spend it.
For the first few months, I sat in sorrow, complaining that this void could never be filled. I'd attend my friends' sporting events, wishing I could be on the field and it wasn't until an entire soccer season had passed before I realized I needed to expand my horizons. I found new outlets in the forms of running and tennis, individual sports that put my head at less risk and also found more time to explore academic interests. I began to join and start clubs and even discovered a passion for journalism. I quickly filled my schedule, making it as busy as it had once been.
With these new commitments, I found myself having less time to mourn the loss of contact sports and the immediate friendships they created, and instead, pursuing new areas of interest. With each new activity I joined, I met people quite different from my typical sporty friends, and immediately appreciated the connections and perspectives they shared. As the months following my concussion went on, I allowed my inherent curiosity to drive my motivation and participated in a myriad of events and activities, honing in on the things I was most passionate about and I have continued to do this as I live a contact-free life.
In retrospect, what I find interesting is that what amounted to a life-changing injury, an injury that sought to close my mind and narrow my focus, actually opened me up and expanded my possibilities. The injury probably deserves credit for shaping me into the broader person I am today. While once I deeply resented my concussions and in fact viewed them as a barrier, I now recognize them as an enabler and a facilitator in life change.
Mother's day is a day of celebration- and a day which is approaching rather quickly. As we reflect on this day many memories can come to mind; the first time we watched her put on makeup, the first bra she bought us (and how traumatic it was learning to put it on), helping us nurse what we felt was the biggest heartbreak ever, and we could never forget those goodnight kisses right before bed.
As I began to write, I thought of the great memories my mom and I have had.
But... Something was missing.
It was as if the ages of 13-17 were washed from my memory with relation to good memories with mom. Then it hit me, those were the teen years where I decided that my mom was just the lady who gave birth to me (and not in a good way).
OK, I'm being a little dramatic. I would still tell her I loved her before we hung up the phone, and appreciate the yummy dinners she cooked. But I was nothing short of a bratty teenager. I can recall being in what felt like constant trouble, sneaking behind her back and doing something she didn't want, and rolling my eyes at her so much it actually would give me a headache. I think back to scribbling makeup on my face at school because she wouldn't let me wear it, and telling her that she was the worst and I hated her. Just like the movies that break your heart just a little.
I dwell on these memories and I wanted nothing more than to call my mom apologizing 4 years too late, but then I realized that I have no reason to be sorry.
If it weren't for these memories, I wouldn't have the relationship that I do with my mother now.
I know you hear people call their mother their best friend- well mine isn't. Instead shes the phone call I make to calm me down after I bomb a test, she's the stylist I go to when I need some recommendations on a good statement necklace, she's the 50 text messages I send when I'm trying a new recipe and the smoke alarm has gone off 3 times already, she's the shoulder that I cuddle up to when I'm so glad to be home after what feels like an eternity.
She wouldn't be this to me if she didn't endure the awfulness I gave her in my younger years. Because despite the yelling, the crying, and the groans of frustration- she never failed to assure me that she loves me.
My mother has seen me at, what I hope will be, my worst. And never let me forget that she loves me.
This took a while for me to understand why, but it allowed me to be more open with her. Instead of sneaking around her with something I knew she wouldn't like, I found out it was better coming from me right away instead of her finding out later (because I have no idea how, but she always found things out). She has always told me that her favorite thing about me was that I'm not afraid to be myself, so why was I hiding that from her?
Being open with my mom allowed me to reintroduce myself to her, that unapologetic self that she always told me was her favorite. It allowed us to reconnect and be able to build this new relationship from the old foundation. We just had to clear a few weeds to find it.
So, Mom, I don't regret being the reason for your headaches through those years. But I do regret not telling you that I loved you back every chance I got Thank you for always sticking by me up to this point, and for telling me how proud of me you are. I know that it can't be easy having a teenager but you did it flawlessly and I'm so glad I hit the lottery getting you as my mom.
I love you & Happy Mother's Day.
10 Remedies That Will Help Say 'Goodbye' To Your Monster Headache When You Honestly Cannot Afford To Have One
We've all had those times when we've had 2 papers due, an exam and countless meeting and you're hit with a bad migraine.
To sum it all up, migraines suck. There's nothing worse than having a list of things to do and you're hit with the worst headache of your life. While there are countless causes for having a headache, stress can be one of the biggest reasons for having one. Which means leaving things until the last minute is not the smartest thing to do. However, I can try to help you out with getting rid of these annoying headaches. I've struggled with migraines for as long as I can remember, so here are 10 remedies to use to get rid of a headache when you honestly cannot afford to have it:
1. Drink A Lot Of Water
This may be a given but I cannot tell I the amount of times I have figured out that I was dehydrated and left with a terrible migraine. Please just drink water. FYI: if you're feeling thirty, you're already dehydrated!!
2. Find A Dark And Quiet Room
Nothing's worse than having a headache in a bright and light room. Tuck yourself away in another room in the house and huddle under the covers! I also find that a sleep mask is very handy for this!
3. Put Some Ice On Your Head
Just as if you would ice any other part of your body when it hurts, ice your head too! It definitely works for me, especially when your head is cold and your feet are wrapped up all nice and cozy.
4. Crack Your Neck Or Get A Massage
Not everyone has the luxury of getting a massage but it's also good to get those knots out. Especially if you have a tension headache, you have to relieve that stress!
5. Frozen Coke Slushy!
Might sound a little crazy but the caffeine of the coke and the coldness of the slushy is the perfect thing for your headache! It's a life changer.
6. Get Off Your Phone And Step Away From The TV
Honestly, the best thing for you to do is catch up on sleep and just relax some more. Your body is under a lot of stress, just try and take it easy for a while.
7. Make Sure You Still Eat!
Headaches can make you feel nauseated and make you loose all your appetite, but you still have to eat!! You can have a headache from not eating, and you're hurting yourself more by not doing it! I find myself guilty of this way too many times during exam season.
8. ASMR
Okay, so this might not work for everyone, but I have learned that ASMR really does help my headaches, or at least helps me go to sleep. I use it as a form of meditation, especially because it is a guide for me and I don't really know how to just sit still and relax as a form of meditation.
9. Excedrin!!
Some people do not get the extreme migraines, but Excedrin's have saved me more than you think. I took some a couple of hours before my exam the other day and I was able to get through the exam when I didn't even see that as a possibility my head hurt so bad.
10. If It Gets Worse, See A Doctor
Stress headaches are one thing, but you always want to make sure that nothings going on internally. Sometimes your doctor can help pinpoint what causes the pain or sometimes give you prescribed medication if your case fits it.
Dancing With A Concussion Sucks, But Sometimes You Just Have To Push Through The Pain
It's only eight minutes, I told myself. You can rest afterwards. It was time.
April 13th, 2019. This was the date of our dance competition. We had been working for weeks, staying up until 6 AM practicing and creating props or costumes. The nerves were getting to everyone as the happy atmosphere became tense. We were heading to our technical rehearsal on the stage we would be performing on.
We stepped onto the stage and waited for the music to start. I was already sweating. The roar of the music began and the bright lights blinded me for a second. The dance began and all was going well, until the fifth song. I was breathing heavily as I sat into my position. I leaned back with the dance step and my head collided with the metal pole at the back of the stage. I let out a little squeal and continued on until the final song, not thinking too much of it.
However, I stepped off the stage and began to feel dizzy. I touched the back of my head and felt a bump forming. Oh no, I thought. I sat down and couldn't stand for a while. I was afraid that I wasn't going to be able to perform. We had worked for so hard for this, I had to perform. The pain was constant, but my teammates brought me Gatorade and ice. They told me not to perform if I wasn't feeling okay and I considered it. My health is more important than a performance, but it was not like I had an injury making me incapable of performing. After about an hour I was walking, although slowly, and the pain died down. I was going to perform.
The time came and I was shaking. The music roared and the lights blinded me once again. It's only eight minutes, I told myself. You can rest afterward. It was time.
The performance went on and I gave everything I could. As soon as it ended, however, I was seeing black spots and feeling dizzy again. My teammates helped me walk back to the green room to lay down. It turns out that I had a mild concussion, which I discovered after going to the doctor the next day.
In the end, for me, performing was worth it, especially since we won third place. Sometimes it is important to persevere through the pain and sometimes you need to take care of yourself. It is important to know yourself and recognize what action is needed when. I am all well now and happy that I was able to perform to the best of my ability, despite the fact that I was hurt.
Beware: Invisible Disability Causes Hazard When Taking the Stairs
The hurtful comments are heard and you look inconsiderate to those of us living with an invisible disability.
Sometimes those of us who have physical disabilities get upset when we have to be excluded from fun things such as family holiday games, keeping up pace with friends at the gym, or tolerating the heat of July mixed with the noise of fireworks on the 4th. Knowing there are some things in life you just aren't able to do, or misery will prevail if you choose to do them, really freaking sucks. At 19 years old, it makes you wonder what some of the bigger steps in life will look like. However, I do know I can't take the steps and the elevator is the safest option currently.
You might see it as laziness for not going up one flight of stairs, while I know it's saving my body from collapsing. Five years of living with a collapsed iliac leg vein, intractable migraine, daily persistent headaches, Ehlers Daniels Syndrome (EDS), neuropathy in my hands and feet, Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS), and immense brain fog is REALLY challenging. It's not only physically draining, but mentally as well. This is especially true as a full time college student living out of state. So at the end of a long day or in the morning right after I've gotten out of bed, stairs are really dangerous.
I've missed steps and fallen forward down compete flights of stairs. The danger in that is EDS equals loose connective muscle causes for a looseness in joints; this leads for them to easily pop out of the socket. I have the vascular version so I bruise extremely easily. Simply bumping into the counter will leave a huge bruise, never mind tripping up a few steps. With POTS, I get dizzy and blackout frequently. If I'm going to fall, I'd prefer it not to be down a flight of stairs on a rough surface. I already have major issues with migraine pain; the goal is no concussions meaning not increasing chronic migraine pain.
So you can think one flight of stairs is nothing and you are able to think that. However, I guarantee that to a person with an invisible disability, stairs are everything. They are the difference between a surgery and no surgery. They are the difference between life long injuries and continuing on with our current battle. They are the difference between exasperated pain and making it where we have to be while staying at our current pain level.
Elevators are lifesavers. They are a simple solution for those of us unable to take the stairs; that's why we have first right to them. If you've never noticed, there's little signs outside most elevators stating that. On the downside, they lead to cruelty from careless strangers; the quiet comments you just can't shake. The comments are an inconsiderate method of being ignorant, while choosing to pass up a learning opportunity.
Invisible Disabilities are everywhere. Use your ability of kindness we all have to be more understanding and willing to give people the benefit of the doubt. Remember that just because you cannot see something doesn't mean it's not there or isn't happening. So beware of your gift; challenge yourself to be the one to take the stairs.