The Burnt-Out College Student's Prayer
Finals season needs a supernatural intervention.
God,
First of all, I'm so tired that this prayer probably won't make a lick of sense, so sorry about that.
My body is always sore, either from sitting down too much or not sitting down enough. Every cell in my brain has combusted from trying to make sense of all the loose information in there. I'm sick of thinking. I never want to think about anything again. No matter how hard I work in my classes, or how much I get done afterward, I am never caught up. I feel like my time is dedicated to everyone and everything else but myself. I understand that I signed up for this, and college was my choice. I hear that a lot, so it's hard to forget. But that doesn't change the fact that higher education is hard if you care, and I care a lot. Maybe not always about the right things, but it's undeniable that I care. So, what do I do?
I understand that a lot of what I'm feeling is just that: feelings. That "I-feel-stressed-so-I-am-stressed" sort of thing. Teach me to separate fact from feeling, especially when I'm drained. Clear my mind so that I can find solutions to my problems instead of giving myself a stomach ulcer. Send people my way that are an example to me of handling stressful situations with grace and confidence.
Give me hope for a future that in some way rewards the work I have put into strengthening my mind and my craft. Some days, I worry that life will always be this transitional — that I will never find a real place in the world. Be my home. Be a safe place I can find in the moments when hope seems to hide in the crevices of my endless notebooks.
Remind me to value my integrity, even though it would be easier to ignore my spirit to pursue more short-term goals. Help me to find the balance between endless work and doing nothing because I'm too scared to do anything.
Above all, use me to help other students going through the same thing. Give me Your love and wisdom and comfort so that I can share it with other over-studied, under-rested young people just trying to make it through with a few dollars in their bank account because they can't work their minimum-wage job as much as they want to. Make me a testimony to what happens when You take a thing as self-driven and internally interested as earning a degree and make it about a larger purpose.
And God, thank you for everything. Thank you for the all-nighters, the crying over takeout, the cute animal videos I've used to distract myself from the constant feeling of imminent doom. It is all here to grow me and make me look more like You.
I love You. Amen. I'm going to bed.
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