It all started on August 20th, 1996. An innocent mortal man by the name of Andrew Gold composed himself a catchy little children’s song. Appearing in its debut album Halloween Howls, that one song would unleash upon the world a plague of dancing calcified apparitions, midnight-clad jack o’ lantern men, and of course, dank memes. For once the bony rhythm crawled out from its humble beginnings, there was no stopping it. It has taken over the world, dragging unsuspecting humans into its dark internet crevasses and poisoning the minds of the untainted. I refer, quite unsurprisingly, to the phenomenon of “Spooky Scary Skeletons”, and there is no going back now. Brace yourself.
Our sensational song took almost fifteen years to truly come into the spotlight. But it finally made its big break in May of 2010 when Youtuber JimmyWilson01 edited the legendary Gold song into the disney short The Skeleton Dance. From there, it was only a matter of time before total global domination. It was sampled in other videos, with even Jontron getting a taste of the soon-to-be overlord of halloween. But “Spooky Scary Skeletons” achieved its most powerful reckoning with the almighty dubstep remix by The Living Tombstone in 2014. Once that video hit the internet, all hope for a normal October 31st vanished. The ridiculously catchy melody captivated all those with nothing better to listen to and inspired a generation. College students and other bored internet denizens took to the speakers, blasting the unnecessarily captivating song everywhere they went. Every October 1st since that date, every day is “Spooky Scary Skeleton” until Halloween.
To make matters worse, a certain man took it upon himself to instill awe and amazement upon our young moldable minds using that song. Known to the world only as “Pumpkin Head Dancing Guy”, he became the unofficial symbol of Andrew Gold’s masterpiece, flaunting his pitch-black outfit and out-of-this-world dance moves. No one who has witnessed his ethereal dance can listen to the song and not picture his grinning face on top of that peak condition body. He has infiltrated the homes of millions, his magical presence inspiring halloween costumes and random dance breaks throughout the globe. He will remain forever in our hearts just as his flagship song will remain forever stuck in our heads.
And so you all know. I am sure you have looked up the video if you have not already succumbed to it. And to you I say, farewell. You have fallen into a void of which there is no returning. Rest your pumpkin souls. I for one shall never recover from the wonders I have seen, nor would I want to. I have been changed for the better. Go be free, my fellow mortal, and hope one day the Pumpkin Head Dancing Guy will visit, prancing his way around while the universally hailed song plays hypnotizingly from his head.
But seriously, folks. Happy Halloween.
