Sorority Life— It Wasn't For Me

Sorority Life— It Wasn't For Me

It wasn't for me, but that doesn't mean it won't be for you.


Take it from a former sorority girl. I did not have a good experience with my organization. I'm not saying every organization will be like this, but a lot of them run themselves in a similar fashion.

I joined late. I was a junior in college when I went through recruitment. A lot of organizations cut you immediately if you aren't a freshman. This wasn't a problem. There were two organizations on my small campus that were interested in not only freshman.

I'm plus size. People don't usually equate plus size with sororities but still -there were two organizations on my campus that did not make me feel inadequate.

I'm a woman of color. Now this one was a little harder. Every organization had like one, maybe two or three or four women of color. But it was the most diverse organization I wanted.

And I got it.

But none of these things was the problem.

It seems that there are various other reasons why, other than my physical appearance, that I might have trouble in Greek life.

I struggled to make friends. Everyone does at first. But it seemed like because I wasn't Christian it was a little more difficult to connect with people on our core values.

I struggled to understand the rules and regulations. I'm not a bad person and I don't tend to promote my self-image as anything I'm not. But it seemed I was in trouble for something all the time.

Leadership positions aren't always cracked up to what they are. I took a small position within my organization. It was not organized and there was no training. I went to one glorified staff meeting a semester and tried to explain my goals for a position I didn't understand.

I went to parties and events, sure, but I was still not making friends.

And then I went on a study abroad.

On my study abroad program, I made friends with the first person I sat down next to on the plane. He told me he thought I was the worst when I first met him, but we ended up being really close. I made friends with a few incredible girls and started to feel that love, support, and unconditional kindness that I was expecting from my sorority. Sometimes, it just isn't a right fit for you.

I distinctly remember a day where I went out on a limb in my sorority. A girl had a Harry Potter planner. I desperately wanted to be her friend. More than anything. So I reached out, we made brunch plans, and next thing I know, I heard she dropped the sorority and I never heard from her again. She said her values didn't match up with the sorority's priorities and couldn't do it any longer.

So nearly a year later, after a study abroad program that changed my life, I dropped my organization.

Do I regret it?

Not really. I don't miss having to pretend to be someone else. I don't miss having to lie about how I was feeling.

It was our sorority bid day that I really realized I wasn't meant to be in the organization anymore. People in my face for not being cheery enough. People in my face saying how glad they were that I was back from study abroad but never talked to me. People, who somehow heard that I was planning on dropping, not minding their business and asking me point blank about it in front of the new members, were really starting to annoy me. So I emailed the president and set up a meeting. Nothing stays secret for long, so I told her the truth. I wanted out.

It wasn't the right fit for me and it may not be the right fit for you. Don't push yourself to be there if you don't want to be. Don't push yourself to be there if it's not the right fit.

I was having anxiety attacks every single chapter day, every single meeting day.

I took a leadership position on my study abroad. I was an assistant to the directors. I worked twice a week directly with the students and I never felt nervous or unclear on what to do. I had a support system behind me.

I have the unconditional love and support of my friends around me. You don't have to stay in your sorority if it's not where you want to be.

Sometimes, it's just not the right fit.

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A Letter To My Best Friend On Valentine's Day

Because you are my ultimate Valentine.

To my beautiful best friend,

Warning: This letter is about to get extremely cheesy. I am talking four cheese lasagna cheesy. But no one deserves a love letter like this more than you do.

This Valentine’s Day, I want to express my love for you. On this wondrous occasion with which most people express their love to their significant other, I want to tell you, my best friend, how much I cherish our friendship.

SEE ALSO: A Valentine's Day Love Letter To My Girl Best Friends

You are the ultimate love of my life. Boys have come and gone but you remain a constant; for that I am grateful. You have been there for me when my family could not be; for that I am grateful. You have been my backbone, my rock, and all those other clichés people use to describe the people they care about, and yet you have been so much more than that as well; for that I am grateful.

All my love this Valentine’s Day goes out to you, my friend, because you do not receive it enough. You have picked me up out of the dirt, brushed me off, and kissed my wounds more times than I can count, and I will never be able to thank you enough for that, but I am sure am going to try.

Thank you for the midnight cries. Thank you for the midnight laughs. Thank you for ordering way too much food with me and still just eating it all. Thank you for the advice, both solicited and unsolicited. Thank you for telling me what I need to hear, even when it isn’t what I want to hear. Thank you for the silly pictures. Thank you for the stupid inside jokes. Thank you for making bad decisions with me. Thank you for laughing with me and laughing at me. Thank you for the endless memories.

SEE ALSO: An Open Letter to the Best Friend I've Ever Had

More than anything, I want you to know that I love you. I love you. You are the family I get to choose, the one I go to when I have nowhere else to turn. You are the one I know I can always run to, whether we saw each other yesterday or haven’t seen each other in a year. You have played a part in molding who I am as a person, and I am so grateful for having such an amazing person affecting my life in such a positive way.

With all the love in my heart,

Your friend
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Blood Doesn't Determine Family

Blended families are just as much of a family as a traditional one.


If you look above, you can see that have a very large family on my mother's side. Between my grandparents, aunts and uncle, cousins and my own immediate family, we're at thirty-three members and counting. All branches of our family tree have busy lives, so we don't get to see each other as much as often as we would hope to. Christmas is the one time a year where we all finally get together for the evening. If you sat in on our holiday party, you may think that we have a couple screws loose, but there is no doubt that you would be able to feel the love radiating from room to room.

If you look at the picture I chose for my header, you can see all of the cousins gathered for our yearly picture. Dysfunctional, of course, but you can tell that love is there. Would it surprise you that out of our entire huge family, less than half of us are blood-related?

I come from a blended family, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Blood does not determine family to us. Love does.

Divorce can be a messy thing, especially when children are involved. Both my aunt and uncle had remarried into relationships that already had children. For the most part, none of us can really ever remember a time when we weren't considered family. We don't ever look at each other as not being related. We never will. Family to us is the love and support that is shared unconditionally between us.

As I said, you would never be able to tell we weren't blood-related unless I told you. Not only do we all look similar to one another (which again is odd, because if the marriages had never taken place, we would just have a ton of doppelgangers running around), but the love and passion that we radiate is unmistakable that we have a bond that will never be broken, let alone determined by biology.

Blended families tend to get a bad rap sometimes from some of the horror stories that can come from second marriages. Not only that, but some people still are stuck in the idea that the only socially acceptable type of family is one where the lineage is clear and concise. Although I can see where these people come from, I don't believe that because there is a lack of shared genetics between all of us, our love is any less strong.

Family is those who will answer a call or text late at night because you need someone to talk to. They're the ones that you end up staying at their house and talking for hours when you meant to make a quick trip in. They are there for you no matter the situation and always believe in you one hundred percent.

Traditional families have a lot of love too, undoubtedly. But please, do not tell me that my family is any less of a family of a family because of its makeup. We have just as much love between us as families with the same bloodline. Blood does not determine the amount of love and affection between all of us. It never will. We will love each other as much as a traditional family. We never look at each other as a mixed family, so please stop treating us as such.

I've said it so many times, but I'll remind you once more. Blood does not determine family, love does-- and I love my family more than life itself.

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