Part 3? Heck Yeah! Today's poet? Patrick Roche (Get caught up here: theodysseyonline.com/@jazlynrust)
1. "Every piece of you is screaming to survive"
For someone with depression, this is an actual feeling when the world falls around your feet. You want to survive, and you need to survive, but the screaming of your bones can almost seem too heavy.
2. "I come up with the theory that my father started drinking again Because maybe he found out I'm gay. Like if he could make everything else blurry, Maybe somehow I'd look straight"
I am not gay but I have friends who are and I have heard very similar statements from them. The fear of rejection, the backlash, these are real feelings and actions that can come up when coming out. It just breaks my heart to hear the judgment and to see the imagery.
3. "Before he hangs up, he does not tell her he loves her. He does not tell her he is unhappy. I know that he is"
This statement comes from a poem that is voiced by Siri, the iPhone companion, and "she" is telling about the poet talking to his mother on the phone. I always tell my mother I love her because you never know if that will be the last moment, but there are several times I don't tell her I am sad or depressed because who wants to be the "daughter with mental illness."
4. "I'm.. I'm not myself in my own home. My family doesn't actually know me; they talk to my shadow."
This goes back to the lying about being happy. Sometimes I am just sad, I don't know why but I wish I did.
5. "Opening Voicemails: He does not tell anyone he still has ones from his dead father"
I still have the texts from my father. This year was three years since he has been gone. I will never delete them, but it feels like maybe one day I'll get a text. Just one more word.
6. "This is not a list poem, this is a eulogy for those swallowed by their own mind"
A moment for those who weren't strong enough to keep fighting....
7. "This is not family gatherings when I mention mental health and then told not to spoil the turkey"
I try and keep my problems to myself because, again, who the hell wants to hear? There is always a time and place for this discussion, but what do you say? "I'm sorry you're sad?" Yeah...me too.
8. "This is people with mental illness banging our heads against the walls, not out of Insanity, but to try to make some noise, to be heard"
Sometimes, those who are suffering will do something crazy just to get someone to notice they are crying for help. But some of us, are too afraid to make noise.
9. "Suicide is a lonely ghost desperate to give itself playmates"
Please don't play with fire and get burned. Please don't become a plaything for the demons in your head.
10. "It is not a permanent solution to a temporary problem, these are so rarely temporary problem "
Mental illness isn't like a cold. You can't just get rid of it with a good night sleep because honestly, sleep is a privilege, not a cure. Just understand that yes I am working to get better, but it won't be today. And tomorrow isn't looking good either.
11. "But that's not a sign of weakness, this is not a sign of weakness"
YOU ARE SO STRONG AND BRAVE! Please know that, lovely! ASKING FOR HELP IS STRONGER THAN YOU THINK!
12. "This is saying we can keep each other breathing, this is speaking louder than the stigma and hoping someone will listen"
Help one another today, there should never be a person walking this planet feeling unloved. Love someone today!
13. "It's so easy to tell someone you forgot to eat breakfast if you word it the right way. Look how busy I am."
Sometimes I forget to eat.....sometimes I don't want to eat.....sometimes I choose not to eat
14. "Every Thursday* I go to couples therapy with my depression"
*Tuesday at noon
15. "My mother cleans up his vomit in the middle of the night and cooks breakfast in the morning like she hasn't lost her appetite."
Growing up with an alcoholic father, I remember the hangovers, the yelling, and how strong my mother tried to be for us girls. I love both of my parents to this day but it was a hard time for all of us.
16. "My friends are the third wheel if we're out together, That's what happens when you've been with someone for so long"
I kept saying I was single but the truth is I have been married to mental illness for almost 21 years. But I am working on the divorce papers.
17. "She doesn't understand that this is the most serious relationship I've ever had"
To my most recent love, please know that every day I am with you, I see a future. This means a lot to me. You mean a lot to me.
18. "Our therapist says "there have been improvements over the past few weeks."
Last semester, I began seeing a counselor each week. He would tell me we were making progress and quite frankly, I wasn't seeing it until I stopped seeing him for Christmas break. Now.....well now I see those changes.
19. "But I know he calls Mom almost every day like he just needs to hear her."
Sometimes I just call my mom to hear her voice so I don't ever forget it.
20. "I really think you should talk to your family about some of this. Or at least your Mom. Why can't you?"
My mother was the first person I ever told that I was feeling depressed. There are still times I don't tell her I am sad because I don't want to be the reason she worries but I know if I need her, I have her. My family, every one of them, would be here in a heart beat and that's why you can never forget where you came from.