That you cannot trust someone who straight up eats the last piece of pizza without clearing it with the rest of the party.

That swivel chairs are the chocolate chip cookies of chairs.

That square napkins from fast food restaurants are 100 percent classier than their rectangular equivalent.

That ramen noodles can totally be cooked in the microwave, and there’s no reason to read the packaging.

That rotary phones are so cool they need to make a comeback ASAP.

That you’d rather fall of off Mount Everest than miss the last step while walking downstairs in the dark.

That protein is a weird word that shouldn’t be spelled like that.

That leftover Chinese food is somehow more filling than hot, fresh Chinese food.

That oyster crackers are more delicious than regular square crackers.

That nothing is more comforting than looking at your phone’s battery and seeing a 100 percent.

That toes are fundamentally strange because, really, what purpose do they serve.

That the 15 minutes spent waiting on your updating phone feels the same the 2 hours spent on the internet.

That when you’re walking up a steep hill, you feel like Frodo about to return the One Ring to Mordor’s fires.

That the finishing touch of your kitchen decor is having a plastic bag full of other plastic bags.

That soup is the hug of foods.

That continuous paper cuts would probably be a more effective torture technique than waterboarding.

That shoes are feet jail.

That nothing makes you feel like your life is more together than washing your bedsheets.

That cooking the perfect amount of pasta is a once in a lifetime chance, and until that chance, there’s always going to be too much spaghetti noodles and not enough sauce.

That hearing yourself type quickly is a peculiar kind of self-esteem booster.

That thesauruses are like the cool, artsy cousins of dictionaries.

That middle school was a dark time.

That oversized clothes are the best and comfiest clothes.

That printing an important essay is more nerve-wracking than actually turning in that same essay.

That sandwiches taste better when someone else makes them for you.

That when a small child hands you plastic toy food, you pretend to eat it. No questions asked.

That your greatest accomplishment in life is finding a pillow with the perfect soft-firm ratio.

That glass-walled elevators are better than boring closed-in elevators.

That Waffle House food tastes best between the hours of 9 p.m. to 11 a.m.

That Youtube is a black hole, and one animal video quickly devolves into three conspiracy videos about Sea World.

That it’s weird that the letter “c” can make both “k” and “s” sounds, and yet we still keep all three letters.

That going to the movies alone would be the purest freedom, but the chances of ever doing that are wildly slim.

That at some point, someone said, “Let’s eat fish eggs!” and everyone else just went along with it.