As the rays of the early morning sun hit my face and the birds began to chirp, I sat up and stretched like Disney princesses do when they wake up. I took a deep breath to smell the fresh— a record needle scratched in the background. Why wasn't I smelling coffee?
I generally don't like to point out my own flaws, but I will say without shame that I am a coffee snob. It's not something to be proud of, and I've created my own monster. I feel sorry for myself in the past, when all I knew was Folgers half-caf. Things started going downhill for me when I started working at a coffeehouse and smelled the fresh beans for hours at a time. If you can relate to any of these struggles, then you, too, may be a coffee snob.
1. Employees at coffee shops know your name and order
I'm not actually ashamed of this one. In fact, it is my most proudest accomplishment of my second semester of college. Never mind that my name is very common and my order every single morning was a medium black coffee. The moment the cashier looked at me and said, "Medium coffee for Madeline," the "Hallelujah Chorus" began to play and I grabbed the counter in an effort to prevent myself from fainting. That's when I knew my caffeine addiction was real. If I can get a barista to remember my name and order, I know anything is possible for me in life.
2. World War III is upon us if we don't have coffee
"We're out of coffee? What are we, peasants?" No coffee at my house means... just kidding, that never happens. The dependency is real. I'm asking for a coffee IV for Christmas this year, just in case the unspeakable happens and we run out. I've been known to spit on puppies when I haven't had my coffee. I'm joking. Kind of.
3. The feeling when the automatic timer doesn't work
When you remember clear as a bell that you set the coffee pot to begin brewing at 6 a.m. then wake up to no morning joe, it's like being betrayed by your best friend. You've been through the worst of times together (mornings). After everything you do for your coffee pot... wash it, tell it bedtime stories (maybe that's just me)... the least it can do is have your nectar of the gods ready when you need it.
4. Coffee mugs!
I have a coffee mug collection that I'm more proud of than I probably will be of my future children. I have a story for each of my mugs, and they all represent parts of my personality. I am one of those annoying tourists who has to get a destination mug when I travel places. I heart NY. No shame.
5. Leave room for creamer
I like black coffee when I'm at home, but I need half and half at Starbucks, 2% milk at Einstein, a bit of Splenda at Kum and Go... I should stop talking.
I know it's never good to be known as a diva, but this is coffee we're talking about, people. And now, a moment of silence to thank the people who discovered the beans that make mornings bearable.
