It has come to my attention that finding someone to actually date in college is getting rarer every day.
Don't get me wrong, I have friends that have very healthy relationships and they are happy, while I also have friends in very unhealthy relationships. Then I have friends who are happy on their own, being independent and doing their own thing, and lastly, I have friends (a LOT of these friends) who are constantly looking for someone in all the wrong ways and all the wrong places in hopes that it will go somewhere meaningful.
Spoiler alert: It never does.
You can sit here and think that what I am saying is lame, or tell yourself it's not true, or even convince yourself that it doesn't apply to you. If it doesn't then I give you credit for rising above our generation's "dating" culture or lack thereof.
But I ask you, whoever you are, to truly think about what I'm saying and really take the time to think about the way you've been looking for meaningful relationships. Ask yourself if this is something you should work on because we are about to talk about that huge elephant sitting in the middle of the room that no one in college likes to acknowledge.
"Disappointed" would be an understatement to sum up how a lot of people feel about themselves, and about their love lives as a whole in college.
I know exactly why what we are doing just isn't working and why we need to stop doing it. I sit here, and I ask myself: What happened to the days of romantic walks and looking at the stars? What happened to chivalry, and waiting until the end of the date for a goodnight kiss? Whatever happened to holding the door and opening the door for her? What happened to flowers? And calling the day after the first date? These aren't common in our culture anymore. We have to pretend like we don't care, and do whatever we can to prevent catching the feels. (Because that's the worst thing ever, right?!)
But guess what? It's all a game and no one is winning, so it's time to put an end to this.
What happened to thought-provoking conversations and dinner where he picks up the check? That stuff doesn't happen anymore, and I hate to say it, but we are both guilty of turning our college dating culture into one of drunken hookups and one-night-stands. You can say that I'm expecting too much, or that times have changed because "That sh*t just doesn't happen anymore."
But it CAN, and it SHOULD.
Let me explain to you why you haven't found the boy who kisses you goodnight at the end of your first date instead of hugging you bye the next morning. Or the girl who wants more out of you than your best T-shirt to wear home before you send her on her way. This is why you have not found the one who respects and values you as a person and most importantly, as a friend.
It goes a little like this... or should I say, doesn't go? You text each other for a week or two, and maybe you get asked to "hang out" a couple of times at midnight and "watch Netflix." Then, either you or he gets bored with one another, and it all stops. Just like that. To be honest, though, you aren't really that disappointed about it, because there was no substance or meaning to whatever that was anyway... and if there was, you both ruined it the second that bourbon and coke got the best of you.
We've got to start holding out for the one that appreciates us and respects us. NOT because you come over in an ample amount of time after you are booty called, but because you both love to write and you have a passion for helping people. Or maybe because you buy way too many vanilla cupcake scented candles or other strange quirks and he doesn't think you are weird for them.
In this age of drunken hookups, this is why your knight or your princess is nowhere to be found.
We all do it. If it isn't you, you know someone close to you who has. I realize how much better we ALL are than that. Shame on me, and shame on you, and shame on THEM for thinking that your body is the very best part of you when really your heart is… let's start acting like it. Sex is supposed to be the difficult part of a relationship, the thing you work towards, the thing you do when you are ready. The thing that seems scary and signifies that you have let someone completely in and that you love them and all of them, but we make it the easy part.
Getting to know somebody is supposed to be the easy part, but we make THAT the hard part, and this has got to stop.
That is exactly why this isn't working, and the person you went home with after your night at the bars never called you back. It's not because you aren't funny or interesting enough. It's not because he thinks you are weird, or that you aren't good enough for him, but it's because he doesn't know that you are funny, interesting, and good enough for him, because you never took the time to show him that!
Please continue to do what you are doing if it's working for you, but I have a strong feeling that it isn't and don't be surprised or sad when it does not go anywhere after a week or two. Let someone get to know the best parts of you to start, not your body, so that being rejected for reasons of compatibility, and that is it.
The whole reason he or she doesn't want you is that he doesn't know how sweet, compassionate, sensitive, strong, and full your heart is.
They don't know your passions, your dreams, the things that scare you to death, what makes you laugh, what ticks you off, what makes you happy, the face you make when you focus really hard on something you are interested in, because you didn't take the time to LET them learn these things about you, and that is such a shame because those are the most beautiful parts about us.
We need to stop selling ourselves SO SHORT in thinking that they aren't.
Sure, being alone is scary as hell... but maybe it's worth it to be alone for a little while in hopes that you will eventually find something that actually lasts. In the meantime, take this time to get to know yourself, respect yourself, love on yourself, make yourself whole again, and love on your friends.
Your princess or knight is coming and when they do, you can ask them where the hell they've been all this time.