Mentally Preparing Myself to Return 'Home' to the U.S.

Mentally Preparing Myself To Return 'Home' To The U.S.

As my time abroad comes to an end, I feel so at-home I don't understand why I have to leave.

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The time has come where I have to start mentally preparing myself to pack my things and head back home to the U.S.

I have just under one month left in Morocco and I am already having nightmares that I am in America and not here. The past three months have been a huge challenge, but I wouldn't change a thing. It's so hard because everyone is so excited for me to come home but I feel like I am home, and I don't understand why I have to leave.

During my time here, I have really learned a lot about myself. I have spread myself too thin and tried to do more than I could handle. I have definitely become a jack of all trades and master of none. This stress to be good at so many things has kept my emotions all over the place. I have made myself physically sick and missed so many days of classes which only makes me more stressed.

This is nothing new to me as I am always spreading myself too thin but I never realized how great this cost is. I have missed out on so many experiences and failed to do so many things I wanted to because I am either worrying about all the assignments I have or doing all of the assignments.

This has taught me a huge lesson though. I learned that my American ideas of working all the time to be the best do not line up with the Moroccan ideas of simply enjoying life.

I thought I was starting to hate Morocco and it wasn't for me. I was ready to come home. I was sick of being in my room studying all the time. But it wasn't Morocco that didn't fit who I am, it was this idea of success at the cost of my personal well-being. I forgot what it was like to cook with my family, read a book on the beach, play golf, and just relax.

The problem was, I told myself I can't do these things because I am not in America and it is too hard. But I went to the beach for a long weekend which I am calling my "spring break" and despite the awful weather and food poisoning, it was nice to take a break.

I haven't been able to go to the beach and enjoy a spring break in years. I decided to try to make some American dishes and even though it took more planning, it was so worth it to eat something that tasted like home. This is the thing, the only things that confine us are our thoughts. If we think we can't do something, then we will surely fail.

Now, I have to start thinking about my future and boy is it coming at me quick. I am hoping to graduate in December 2020. This is a nice thought until I realize I will be taking four classes in six weeks starting 24 hours after I return to the US.

I will then have three more full semesters left at USC before I am done. This is so exciting except I lay awake at 2 in the morning thinking where I will intern next summer because I have to intern in the city that I want to work in.

I also started thinking, am I going to be a good accountant? Do I even understand accounting? What if I fail my 400 level classes and have to choose a new major? These fears of my future eat away at me and ruin my present.

So, now I challenge myself to do the things I wanted to do during my four months in the next four weeks. I hope to take all the pictures and videos I wanted. I hope to soak up every last second with my professors. I want to spend as many moments with my boyfriend before we are an ocean apart again.

I want to make as many memories with my friends and host family as I possibly can before leaving them. Life is so short and I just wish I could stop worrying about my resume and focus more on my life.

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Every Sign Has Their Own Anthem, Take A Peek To Find Yours

Why not take a cue from the stars and try these tracks?

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If you're anything like me, you're probably getting pretty bored with listening to the same old five songs on rotation every week. Thinking of switching up your Spotify playlist a bit? Why not try taking a cue from the stars and letting your zodiac sign curate a playlist perfect for your alignment? Astrology assigns meaning to the placement of the sun, moon, and the planets, and even if you don't particularly care for it or believe in it, why not give these playlists a shot? Read on to see which sign has the best taste in music.

1. Aries

Aries season is in full swing and we are loving it. Bold and confident babes, you need something upbeat to hype you up and remind you that you ARE that bitch.

"Fuck With Myself" — Banks

"Raise Hell" — Dorothy

"COPYCAT" — Billie Eilish

"Dead To Me" — Kali Uchis

"Drip Too Hard" — Lil Baby

2. Taurus

Lovers of serenity and opulence (but lowkey), sensual, and grounded, Taurus knows what they're doing in their relationships and in LIFE in general. Let these songs get you in touch with your Venus and center yourself.

"Goddess" — Banks

"Devotion" — Jessie Ware

"Over Again" — QUIN, G-Eazy

"Art Deco" — Lana Del Rey

"I Follow Rivers" — Lykke Li

3. Gemini

#StopGeminiShaming2019. These social butterflies deserve a better rep than just "two-faced," and these songs really bring out the pioneering spirit and fast-paced energy.

"Greek Tragedy" — The Wombats

"Kiwi" — Harry Styles

"Topanga" — Trippie Redd

"MIDDLE CHILD" — J. Cole

"Ivy" — Frank Ocean

4. Cancer

Aside from being intuitive and nurturing, Cancers are best known for their emotional side. Here are some cathartic songs to help you get those feelings out, girl.

"Chanel" — Frank Ocean

"when the party's over" — Billie Eilish

"Girls Need Love" — Summer Walker (feat. Drake)

"Honey" — Kehlani

"Thru These Tears" — LANY

5. Leo

Gold, glitz, and glamour, Leos are drama queens and you love them for it — so here are some songs almost as dramatic as Leos themselves.

"Flashing Lights" — Kanye West

"National Anthem" — Lana Del Rey

"Wow." — Post Malone

"Needed Me" — Rihanna

"7 Rings" — Ariana Grande

6. Virgo

Yes, Virgos are logical, practical, and meticulous, but they are also the most supportive friends you can have and will tell you straight up if your new boy is garbage. Here are some tracks for this hardworking and lovable sign.

"Provider" — Frank Ocean

"Under Control" — The Internet

"No Scrubs" — TLC

"The Less I Know The Better" — Tame Impala

"Consideration" — Rihanna, SZA

7. Libra

Balanced and harmonious, Libras love beauty and brighten everyone's day. Here are a few melodic songs that can't help but make you smile (just like a Libra would!)

"Lust for Life" — Lana Del Rey & The Weeknd

"Sunflower" — Post Malone, Swae Lee

"Cigarette Daydreams" — Cage The Elephant

"Love Galore" — SZA (feat. Travis Scott)

"Dreams" — Fleetwood Mac

8. Scorpio

Despite common opinion, Scorpios are not evil. Passionate and fiercely loyal, there's always more to them than meets the surface — so here are some sensual jams with edge.

"Call Out My Name" — The Weeknd

"Drew Barrymore" — SZA

"Self Control" — Frank Ocean

"Belong to You" — Sabrina Claudio feat. 6LACK

"Weaker Girl" — Banks

9. Sagittarius

Always the life of the party, Sagittarius needs their room to roam and breathe to be their best selves. Here are some tracks to highlight your free spirit and good vibes.

"Gypsy" — Fleetwood Mac

"Hurricane" — Halsey

"Roll With Us" — Doja Cat

"Feel Good Inc." — Gorillaz

"Settle Down" — The 1975

10. Capricorn

Capricorns have two sides — one driven by ambition and success with their goals always on their mind, and then there's the mischievous and playful troublemaker that loves to party. Here's some songs for your two moods.

"Money Power Glory" — Lana Del Rey

"The Chain" — Fleetwood Mac

"She's a Riot" — The Jungle Giants

"Glory and Gore" — Lorde

"Fluorescent Adolescent" — Arctic Monkeys

11. Aquarius

Free-spirited and quirky as they come, Aquarius is a humanitarian that defies authority at every turn and needs their freedom — and these five songs to help them plan the next revolution.

"Rhiannon" — Fleetwood Mac

"Bed Peace" — Jhene Aiko, Childish Gambino

"Girl" — The Internet

"Ronnie Drake" — Isaiah Rashad (feat. SZA)

"You Don't Get Me High Anymore" — Phantogram

12. Pisces

Dreamy and empathetic, this water sign always has their head in the clouds. Here are some dreamy tracks to serve as great background music for your next existential crisis.

"NFWMB" — Hozier

"Nights" — Frank Ocean

"Cosmic Love" — Florence & The Machine

"Hurt Feelings" — Mac Miller

"Chamber of Reflection" — Mac DeMarco

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