It’s pretty obvious that relationships today are totally different than the types of relationships our parents had. One heavily discussed reason for the difference between generations is our lack of dating.
There are multiple aspects of that idea that can be discussed endlessly. But the lack of dating I am focusing on here is the lack of dating multiple people at the same time. Dating. Exploring your options. Deciding what traits and characteristics you like to see in somebody.
Why is it that we tie ourselves down like we are seriously committed to this other person? I'm not saying it's okay to be exploring your options while seriously seeing somebody else, but if I started seeing someone and we've just gone on 2 dinner dates, why would I cut off the cute Bumble guy I’ve been talking to for about 3 weeks?
We start seeing somebody and automatically assume that we are locked into a relationship with them after only 1 or 2 dates. The discussion of exclusivity is avoided like a plague because we think it’s either too soon and too forward to say to someone, or it’s too childish of a conversation to have.
Dating multiple people on a college campus is next to impossible. Everybody knows everybody. Dating in a big city though, you can have a boy in every neighborhood. But you have to keep in mind that he could have a girl in every neighborhood. Yes, we all wish we could have our cake and eat it too. Perhaps we assume exclusivity because we project the same amount of commitment we are putting into the relationship.
But why? Why are we doing this? Why do we seek monogamy so badly right off the bat? We assume we are going to be offended if we know that our potential significant other is having a similar relationship with someone else at the same time. Therefore we assume monogamy to protect our feelings?
What is and isn't acceptable in the beginning of our relationships shouldn’t be so harsh. With how casually we communicate with each other through multiple outlets, why is it so bad to Snapchat another guy or like another guy’s Tweets? You don’t owe the person you're seeing that kind of control, and don’t assume you have the power to control their online behaviors either.
It’s also stereotypical that women always want monogamy, while men just want to fool around. Perhaps that is just because men are worse at being subtle, or because we all define exclusivity in different terms. Sure, the new girl you started seeing keeps asking you to go to overly romantic places, but if you assumed that there isn't some guy she still sends semi flirty Snapchats to or some guy's Instagram posts she keeps liking, then you’re probably wrong.
Monogamy right off the bat is too much to expect out of someone today. But that’s not a bad thing in your twenties. Why do we have to be so serious so fast? Let’s just have some fun.
You do you.
