Wicks of candles dance and illuminate my little space, cast a glow in warm orange hues. A movie that has been watched innumerably plays in the background whilst my cat hypnotizes herself with the to-and-fro motion of a tea light. Scrapes of metal against wooden floor passably penetrate the tranquillity of the moment.
I write this in a haze of reminiscence; memory after memory introducing themselves in broken fragments and not at all in order, some too quick to grasp. Kaleidoscopic imagery of friendships that toxic, temporary and tender. Romances that are raw, unadorned and a little frenzied, though mostly beautiful. Jobs that only ever brought me to one understanding: that I wanted so much more than what they could ever offer me.
At one point, my job and my relationships were not enriching me at all but, rather, they were sucking the will from me to live. Steadfast anxiety, exhaustion and general unhappiness prevailed to the point where I only saw the dreariness of what was rather than what could be.
"Your life changes the moment you make a new, congruent and committed decision." Tony Robbins
I came to the realization, though, that each experience is a product derived directly from decisions we have made at one time or another, throughout many phases of growth and levels of understanding. As, like change, our individual growth is constant.
Something that I have noticed to be forgotten, or perhaps not even recognized for lack of thought is that we must change direction if we do not like the view. Change does not happen on its own, it must be created and we, the masters of our own ships, all have the power within us to do so.
Whether it is a change of perspective to appreciate your situation in a different light, or it is a change of pace altogether. Perhaps you choose to stay as you hope that it gets better, and it doesn't. You have a calling.
Ultimately, the art of participation in your own life boils down to one thing: self-love.
Honor those aspirations and adolescent dreams by engineering them into manifestation. By choosing to do so because you know you deserve it, is the most valuable gift you could grant yourself. Rather than letting life happen and pass you by, you will begin to consciously participate: from there, I assure you, anything can happen.
