Pushing Cars and Pushing Problems

Pushing Cars and Pushing Problems

Sometimes we just get stuck in ruts and other times on the side of the road.

I can still remember the Bush song playing on my radio and my battery gauge began floating violently as my headlights dimmed against the dark road.

The car of question was a 1996 Camaro Rally Sport that had only brought me turmoil the entire time I had owned it. So there I was 16-years old on the road at night with no phone and just my Mom in her pajamas. Of course we hadn't intended to take a little jaunt road trip. Originally we had just planned to get gas and then drive five minutes North to the McDonald's to get a sweet tea...half-cut.

Instead, we found ourselves on the side of the road with a car that was in a fit of rage and was slowly dying by the second. We managed to cut through a neighborhood in hopes of making it to my Grandpa's house. As we entered his subdivision the reality kicked in. My car wasn't going to make it.

"We're gonna have to push the rest of the way." My Mom spoke up.

And me, 16-years old, stuck my foot out the car door like Fred Flintstone. On a November night I realized I was going to have to actually push this car. Can you imagine how my Mother and I looked pushing a sports car through a neighborhood? Two bohemian women, me in a fringed leather jacket and a lace top. My Mom in pajamas and an Annie Lennox haircut.

Life is very unexpected. Sometimes in a way that is almost magical. Prior to the moment of my car losing control, my day had been normal. But a sudden turn of events and I can still recall that November night now six years later. Some days we feel like we are stuck in a rut, going through the motions. Other days we feel as if we are actually in our very own sitcom. And both of those are 100% completely, utterly normal.

Years later I would eventually sell that demon of a Camaro and upgrade to a more mature, reliable car. But sometimes I drive down that road at night and I can almost see myself, thinking I was so invincible trying to push that car. The fearlessness, the independence it took. And the anger I felt as I watched the tow truck try to tow my beauty away from me. Often, I forget what it was like to think that I was "fearless." How easy it is to forget those days of being so independent that I didn't even need a man.

In my younger days, dealing with the car's mood was almost a hobby. Now I find myself dealing with larger things on the scale. Sometimes I look back at those simpler times and I think 16-year old me calls out to me in a melodramatic way. What would 16-year old me think off 22-year old me? Would she think I'm a sell out for getting a big girl job? Would she roast me because I drive a Ford? Or maybe she would look at me with Slavic eyes and see me as an inspiration?

I'd like to think that I am the girl that I should have been, caught up in the most unexpected time of her life, and taking matters into her own hands. Like the girl that pushed her car through a neighborhood all by herself.

Cover Image Credit: Kaique Rocha

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A Playlist From The iPod Of A Middle Schooler In 2007

I will always love you, Akon.

Something happened today that I never thought in a million years would happen. I opened up a drawer at my parents' house and I found my pink, 4th generation iPod Nano. I had not seen this thing since I graduated from the 8th grade, and the headphones have not left my ears since I pulled it out of that drawer. It's funny to me how music can take you back. You listen to a song and suddenly you're wearing a pair of gauchos, sitting on the bleachers in a gym somewhere, avoiding boys at all cost at your seventh grade dance. So if you were around in 2007 and feel like reminiscing, here is a playlist straight from the iPod of a middle schooler in 2007.

1. "Bad Day" — Daniel Powter

2. "Hips Don't Lie" — Shakira ft. Wyclef Jean

SEE ALSO: 23 Iconic Disney Channel Moments We Will Never Forget

3. "Unwritten" — Natasha Bedingfield

4. "Run It!" — Chris Brown

5. "Girlfriend" — Avril Lavigne

6. "Move Along" — All-American Rejects

7. "Fergalicious" — Fergie

8. "Every Time We Touch" — Cascada

9. "Ms. New Booty" — Bubba Sparxxx

10. "Chain Hang Low" — Jibbs

11. "Smack That" — Akon ft. Eminem

12. "Waiting on the World to Change" — John Mayer

13. "Stupid Girls" — Pink

14. "Irreplaceable" — Beyonce

15. "Umbrella" — Rihanna ft. Jay-Z

16. "Don't Matter" — Akon

17. "Party Like A Rockstar" — Shop Boyz

18. "This Is Why I'm Hot" — Mims

19. "Beautiful Girls" — Sean Kingston

20. "Bartender" — T-Pain

21. "Pop, Lock and Drop It" — Huey

22. "Wait For You" — Elliot Yamin

23. "Lips Of An Angel" — Hinder

24. "Face Down" — Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

25. "Chasing Cars" — Snow Patrol

26. "No One" — Alicia Keys

27. "Cyclone" — Baby Bash ft. T-Pain

28. "Crank That" — Soulja Boy

29. "Kiss Kiss" — Chris Brown

SEE ALSO: 20 Of The Best 2000's Tunes We Still Know Every Word To

30. "Lip Gloss" — Lil' Mama

Cover Image Credit: http://nd01.jxs.cz/368/634/c6501cc7f9_18850334_o2.jpg

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An Ending Is A New Beginning

The end is just the beginning of a new story.


Endings are hard. They are bittersweet, and almost always painful; Whether it is the ending of a book, a movie, a beloved tv series, or a relationship.

Endings to me are the start of something new and fresh. There is a breath of fresh air to the closing of one door and the opening of another. From now on, my focus is on me and how I can best love myself. I want to be involved more in school activities and stay at school more weekends, rather than head home to see someone.

I have never taken time for myself. I always put others first, and there is never anything wrong with that, but it begins to weigh on a person when they neglect their own needs.

My new philosophy is that my happiness and my needs are going to come first. I put off what I needed for a long time in favor of someone else's needs. People often forget that their feelings matter too when they're in a relationship, and out their significant other above themselves. This ending for me is the absolute fresh start after a long almost three years where I put how I felt on the back burner in favor of someone else.

Now, it's my turn to start putting myself first and become an even better version of me.

Always make sure that you take care of yourself in every possible situation; Your health is the most important thing about you. If you don't take care of yourself before you try to take care of someone else, it will only end badly for both people involved.

Self-love and self-care are the most important things for a person, and my self-love is starting with growing out my hair, finishing out this second semester strong, and planning a beach trip for May with some of my favorite human beings.

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