I can hardly believe that 11 short weeks ago, I cozied up with a blanket and CVS brand face mask to watch bright-eyed and bushy tailed Joelle Fletcher welcome 25 strangers to a mansion in an effort to have them all fall in love with her on dates just so she can ugly cry and send them home to their jobs as former professional athletes, medical sales reps, and hipster lifestyle enthusiasts. For someone who was so "in-love" with her last "boyfriend" of 10 weeks, Ben Higgins, JoJo sure dusted herself off, put on her finest push-up bra, and got back on reality tv for another 15 minutes of fame in the game to find eternal love.
Remember Santa-man? The man wearing the kilt? Vinny the barber/DJ? Yeah, me neither until Santa decided he wanted everyone to know he had a voice and tried to show his manliness to The Chad on The Men Tell All. Sorry Santa, your emotional outbursts won't get you on Bachelors in Paradise.
The Good
We had the opportunity to watch some cool dates that producers thought up like helicopter dates, and beach dates when ABC was on a spending freeze and couldn't even spring for a cheese plate, so JoJo had to sit on a rock in a cave where she covered more than 25% of her body for the first time in casual wear and perplexed Jordan by using big scary words like "the future" which hopefully reminded Jordan that "former pro quarterback" doesn't pay for highlights, barre classes, and sparkly dresses. I commend JoJo for pretending like she cares about their compatibility after the show after she gives out all of her roses and only wants to see pink peonies ever again (as she should).
The Bad
Over the entirety of this season, I feel it is safe to say that Jojo has shed enough tears to end California's drought. She complained that she had felt "blindsided" by Bachelor Ben, but isn't that the whole point of the show, Jo? You get all these testosterone-driven men together, take them on dates they could potentially never be able to afford, offend locals in other countries by making out while small fish eat your dead foot skin, get them to say "I love you," then kick them to their curb so they have to return to Tulsa to continue pioneering its bustling high-end luxury real estate market.
Plastic Ken Robby obviously spent time wholeheartedly denying rumors spilling his heart out on the show to vocally proclaim his undying love for a woman he's known shorter than the semester you've spent with your OChem professor.
I'm stating this now: Luke for Bachelor. He's down-to-earth, hails from a farm, and has a great smile. I'm just waiting for the teeth whitening sponsors on his Instagram to blow up.
The Botoxed
JoJo's spunky, wine-enthusiast mother Soraya has been criticized for having a laundry list of plastic surgery done, but is she the only Fletcher to have done so? The internet has been rampant with accusations that JoJo has dramatically changed her appearance prior to filming the Bachelorette in order to "increase ratings". It gets worse. According to past contestants on the Bachelor and Bachelorette, being pressured into getting plastic surgery in order to enhance their appearance and desirability is a common occurrence on the show. This is utterly disgusting and reaffirms the unattainable standards that our society has made great strides in order to break. Honestly, I hope these rumors are just that: rumors that do not bear any truth.
All in all, this season of The Bachelorette was an emotional roller coaster. Though not all may not agree with JoJo's choice in a future spouse, it is important to remember one thing: IT IS HER LIFE NOT YOURS. All in all, the most important lesson I took away from this season in all its glory is this: We should all strive to find someone who loves us as much as Chad loves meat plates.
