What happened to you?

Where did your kind and loving self go?

Having trouble finding it,

You were so happy and full of life not more than a year ago,

People loved you for your compassion,

For your eternal smile,

Where did you bury it?

Why is it so deep in your soul?

This grotesque bitterness has come to replace it,

Has come to dominate your very being with its devastating fever,

I can feel you’re anxiousness and fright,

Those meds you stopped taking might’ve helped,

Though you wanted to prove you were more than those pills,

Was it worth it?

Was anything you’ve done worth it?

The insecurities you’re feeling so strongly,

You’re trying to control it,

Your mind is a series of natural disasters,

And your heart doesn’t feel like it belongs in your chest anymore,

It’s been stolen from you,

Used and stomped on over and over,

You left it there, out in the open,

You expected someone to pick it up, and treat it gently,

So when it wasn’t so, you felt upset,

You felt angry, jealous and sad,

There was no one you could point to,

The fault is yours, and yours to suffer alone,

Yet you make stupid excuses,

It’s hard to control your emotions,

Sometimes you slip up, and you act unnaturally bitter,

Immediately regret acting the bitch,

Then why do you do it?

Why can’t you just fucking stay happy?

You think you’re doing the best you can,

But it’s not good enough,

You need to do better,

Be happier,

Laugh louder,

Smile more,

Why aren’t you trying?

Don’t you feel it?

You’re still sinking,

You’re still not good enough,

Dragged down by your heart strings,

You fear what you will become,

You’re afraid of your misery,

Your unrighteous hate,

Your consuming resentment,

You are letting yourself become this monster,

Dear self,

I hate you.