"L O V E"

We toss the word around like a "hello," but do we actually know what it means? Maybe we know what it means, but are we living out "love" in our day to day lives? If so, what does that look like? I recently had a conservation with a good friend that opened my eyes to love, and I realized that I am not loving enough - especially when it comes to myself.

I am a giver - it's what I am good at (some of the time haha). I lend my time, my ear, my affection. When I cannot make myself feel happy, I like to love on those around me, and it makes me feel better. Maybe that is a selfish reason to love, but it is love nonetheless. I tell myself time after time that by doing that I am doing good enough. I have enough joy, I can be content with this. When talking to my friend about the emotions I had been feeling lately, she asked me two questions that really left me stumped: "Why do you not love yourself? Better yet, why do you not let God love you?"

The simple answer is that I feel unworthy. I feel unworthy of the undeserving love of God, and in turn this prevents me from loving myself how I should. It got me thinking - if we loved ourselves like God intends for us to, what would that look like? 1 John 4:16 teaches that "God is love, and he who lives in love, lives in God and God in him." What if we let the love of God live in us? What kind of transformations would we see? I think that if we led our lives by love, we would be abundantly blessed. When we see ourselves the way He sees us - as daughters and sons in His family, then we see our worth. When we acknowledge that He has a plan for us, then we find our purpose. From there, we can begin to love ourselves, because He first loved us.

Loving yourself is so essential, and it will look really different for each of us. It is taking care of yourself: mentally, physically, socially, and emotionally. It is making the time to do things that you enjoy - things that will cheer you up. It is knowing yourself, and listening to what your mind and body is telling you. It is saying "no" when needed -when you know you have too much going on. It is knowing that you have value, and pursing your own self worth. But by no means does loving ourselves come easy for us all. We probably aren't just going to wake up the next morning and totally be transformed - for the majority of us, it is a journey.

Some of us have a great sense of self. You may be really in tune with yourself, or you could be like me and wonder half of the time what you are feeling and why you are feeling that way. Either way, that is okay, some of us just have a little more work to do; but let me tell you what is not okay.

It is not okay: to tell yourself you are not good enough, to allow others to manipulate you, to consistently put others before yourself, to distance yourself from God, to search for joy in other idols, to believe what society tells you, to allow yourself to hurt for another's benefit, to accept defeat, to not prioritize your health, to downplay your emotions, to bottle things up, to believe the lines of bullcrap that this world tends to feed us.

It is not okay because you are more. You are more than all of that. You are more than the lies others have told you, more than the lies you have told yourself. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to accomplish all your hopes and dreams. You deserve to be loved. You deserve to let yourself love you.

What we do not deserve is the love of God. We really do not. I am a sinner, you are a sinner, and everyone that comes before us and after us (besides Jesus - obviously) is a sinner. We are dirty with our own stains, and we do not deserve the abundant love God bestows on us. However; that is the beauty of grace; grace is being granted something when we did not do anything to deserve it. God wants to love you so much, and too often, we do not let him. We live our lives by our own rules, instead of surrendering it all to God.

I don't know about you, but after this year, I am tired. I am tired of running from God, I am tired of giving into this world, and I am tired of not loving myself how I should. When we let the love of God be our fuel for everyday, and see ourselves as individuals handcrafted by Him, I can only imagine that we will grow to love ourselves more than we could ever imagine. And when we love ourselves, then we can continue to love those around us. While He pours into us, we can pour into others.

So surrender. Your pain, worry, fear, anxiety - whatever is holding you back from loving yourself, give it up to God. When I think of surrendering it all, I feel like my cover picture. Free, with confetti all our, and just at peace (sorry, I'm a bit of a goober). All that to say: this year, this month, this week, this day - let the love of God reside in you. Love yourself, and let your life be a life lead and lived by love.