I live a life that is fantastically blessed, and I'm not just saying that. I have friends that are there for me at a moment's notice, I have a family that loves me more than anything, I have a church that supports me, and I have the opportunity to attend college with very little financial strain because of the scholarships that I receive.
Things are great. That's actually an understatement. Things are amazing. There is one thing I have to say about that, though: having lots of things go right for you doesn't mean that you're never going to feel pain.
My life isn't perfect, but most peoples aren't. There are obstacles that come up all the time, and they always will, but as of late there has been one thing that's really worn me down.
Since the end of last September, the guy I'm in love with has lived around a thousand miles away from me. With him being a military dude, there have been quite long stretches of time when I don't get to talk to him, and when we do get to talk it's usually not for long.
There are so many things I could talk about when it comes to him. I had no preparation for this. Nobody in my family is in the military. He's the only boy I've ever loved. He's actually the only boy I've ever dated.
I could talk about how badly I miss him. I could recount all of our special moments that still surprise me with the frequency with which they run through my head. I could list out the ways I cope with being without him,or I could list out all of the things that make me miss him, but we would be here for far too long.
Instead, I'd like to talk about it in a way that is relatable for anyone. Many of us have something or someone that we carry with us. I carry him around with me every day, and sometimes it is so preternaturally painful that I don't know what I'm supposed to do to be able to keep doing this the next day and the day after that.
The most useful lesson I've learned up to this point is that all I have to do is figure out how to make it through today. If I can do that, I'm solid.
Most days he comes with me to work or do whatever I need to do in the form of the cross necklace he left me. Some days he just lives in my thoughts. Either way, he's with me every day.
The pain could have easily been something that I came to resent, and there have been more than a few days where I've been quite angry at it. I've come to realize that it can good for me, though if I let it.
It's good for me because it's taught me how to cope with a kind of grief I wasn't aware existed. It's good for me because it's shown me that I can be happy while I'm sad. It's good for me because it's shown me that I truly do believe in love, that I truly do believe that people are the most important thing in the world.
I deal with it every day. Even if you aren't in the same situation as I am, you may be dealing too. I don't know what you're going through, but if you can, I encourage you to steer into the storm.
If you aren't going to be able to escape from the way you feel anyways, find a silver lining. Find the blessings in what may seem to be your curse.
