I am the type of person who needs structure.
I need a plan for everything. I plan out my day, week, month - you name it, I probably already planned it out. For a while, I even had a one, three, and five-year plan. But, that all blew up in my face. Everything I thought I wanted to do ended up being completely different. I was on one path, and then took what I thought to be a wrong turn that completely changed my life for the better.
I never viewed change as a good thing. Any change that happened in my life previously, was associated with negative events. I was always afraid of change, or life throwing me curveballs at me. I thought that if I could just plan out every little detail I would be able to avoid the curveballs and change. But, that's not living. That's not allowing life to get in the way and just rolling with the punches.
Looking back, I wish I wasn't so structured. I wish that I didn't feel the need to compulsively plan out every minute of my day. You miss a lot doing that. You miss the fun parts of college, like making mistakes, making bad decisions, the late nights with your friends, and the part of life that can't be planned out or put on a "to-do" list.
I wish I would have realized that sooner. But, the second I did, I have never been happier. I switched my major, got an internship that I LOVE, spend more time with my friends and just being a 21-year-old. It taught me that change isn't always bad. Change is mostly good.
It usually means that doors are opening up, that you took a left where it said to go right and now you are on a path you never imagined but wouldn't go back for anything. Allowing my life and path to change was a great mistake. I love where I am. I love the possibilities I see in the future. I don't feel the need to plan out my day further than the homework I need to get done. I let some of the pressure I put on myself go a little bit, and it's been wonderful.
Don't get me wrong, I still get stressed; that's normal. But I don't feel like I'm drowning anymore. I don't feel overwhelmed when something throws a wrench in my plan. I realized that the compulsive need to control everything around me isn't helping me, it's destroying my mental health. I work on letting go of that need every day. It's been a long road, but every day I continue to grow and learn.
Change doesn't scare me like it used to. It's kind of become an old friend to me and, I'm okay with that.
