I was once a girl in your shoes. Just like everyone else, I long for a relationship. I always have. But it took years of rebuilding myself after a poor relationship for me to realize I was going about relationships in the wrong way. Here's my advice to those of you searching. 

Love Yourself, You Matter. 

You may not believe me now, because trust me, there was a time I didn't either. But you are the most important thing in your life. I know that sounds redundant, but think of it this way. You have to live with yourself more than anyone else. So theoretically speaking, you should love yourself. We spend so much time looking to society and social norms to define who and what we should be, but in reality, we are perfect just the way we were made. Remember that you matter more than anyone else. This is often something I forget. We tend to put others before ourselves, especially boys, because it's human. But there comes a point in time where we deny ourselves what we need, in order to satisfy another person. That's where we need to be reminded to draw the line. When a guy asks you to come over the night before your midterm, and you say no, he should respect that. Any boy who comes along should know, and be reminded of that as well. Stop settling for crappy relationships because you just enjoy the company. Take the time instead for yourself. You matter.

Stop settling.

After watching all my friends go from guy to guy, I finally learned one thing. Humans love to settle. People yearn so completely for love and affection that they'll be with someone that they don't necessarily love. Just because you like to have someone to cuddle up next to, doesn't mean you just pick the option that's easy. If you were going to buy a new pair of shoes, and the store down the street had a pair that was falling apart for a cheap price, would you just buy those shoes because you didn't want to look anymore? That's what we do with relationships. Settling only satisfies you now, but you will regret wasting your time with people who don't matter in the story of your life.

Don't be easy, be beautiful.

We all know the girl at the party that has 10 guys hanging off her shoulders. Sometimes we wish we were that girl. Most often, that girl is wearing shirt that shows way too much cleavage, and the tightest pants she owns. To men, that doesn't speak the word "beautiful" or "exquiste", but rather, "easy". The reason she's surrounded by all those boys is because all they want is her body, not her heart. That's lust my friends. I don't want a guy who wants my for my body, but rather one who longs for my heart. A man who looks at a girl for her heart, and mind, is a man that truly going to love and care for you. And the truth is, you can still look pretty without revealing half your body to the world. Although being easy may provide instant satisfaction, it won't be long term. But you can be considered beautiful for the rest of your life.

Make every relationship special.

I firmly believe that happiness isn't tangible, it's created by experiences and memories, the people we make them with, and the things we do for others. That being said, if we give our all to insignificant relationships that don't matter, we're going to be left in pain over something that doesn't matter in the grand scheme of our lives. If you give everything to someone you don't really care that much about, but just want instant satisfaction in that moment, what do you have left to give to someone you truly care about? Stop trying to find love and acceptance by fooling around, it's only going to hurt you more in the long run. I promise. Take the time to make the relationships you care about special and unique, because that's where the happiness comes from. 

So for those of you searching for "the One", here is my advice to you. It may not be perfect, but it's what I've learned from my life experiences. If you only take one thing from all this, remember this. You determine your future and your happiness, no one else does. 

Always,

HMS