I've been in a long distance relationship for a long time. I've gone through the honeymoon phase, the enjoying one another's silence phase, and I'm now in the horrible, open flatulence phase. My boyfriend and I have had serious fights, taken big relationship steps, and have even nearly ended the relationship once. I think these are all things normal, healthy couples experience. There are ups and downs, but at the end of it we work together to solidify our relationship and keep it strong. I'm proud of my relationship with my boyfriend, but I find that others don't seem to be happy for me. Not after I bring up the fact that it's a long distance relationship.
I've heard a lot of things, from simple acquaintances, to close friends, and worried family members alike. I've accumulated a lot of quotes that really struck me as odd, inappropriate, or just straight up hurtful.
"It's not even a REAL relationship."
The best part of it being MY relationship, is that you don't have to worry about how "real" it is. It's real to me and to my partner and that's all that matters at the end of the day. In a world where there are so many kinds of relationships, from traditional dating to arranged child marriages, why is my relationship deemed, more often than not, "not real". It's just a hurtful thing to say.
"You don't even know who they REALLY are."
I love television shows like MTV's Catfish as much as the next person, but I really wish people would stop assuming that partner must be fake just because we've decided to date long distance. This isn't to say that there aren't people out there with good intentions out there just trying to look out for whomever is in a LDR, but some people are just too closed minded to ever consider it. Hopefully before you start a relationship like this you voice and video call with the person, actually get to know their interests and personality.
"What makes you think they're not cheating on you RIGHT NOW?"
A handful of things. Trust, open communication, controlling otherwise unsubstantiated jealous thoughts. You know, things every healthy relationship has? I mean what makes ANYONE think that their partner isn't cheating on them right this moment? Do they think that people in traditional relationships don't cheat on each other? Or that it is a more likely occurrence given the structure of my relationship?
"Can you not get anyone in person?"
I like to believe in soulmates, maybe not that there's someONE out there for everyone, but that there are certain people who you could be perfect for and perfect for you. Given how many people there are in the world I don't think that anyone's soulmate is just going to be Becky or Tom from down the street. I fell in love with someone who wasn't close enough to always be in person. It has nothing to do with what I could or couldn't do, and everything to do with what happened.
"What can you guys even do?"
Play video games, watch movies/netflix/youtube together, have a group call with mutual friends, play video games with said mutual friends, plan for our next visit, video call. We keep each other entertained. We can talk for hours on end or just exchange a couple of messages a day. It isn't like traditional couples do everything big or exciting every day of their relationship.
"Is this going to be a long-term thing?"
I don't know a lot of people who plan to have short-term relationships.
"How do you get intimate?"
Is this ever an appropriate question to ask anyone in any kind of relationship? Is that all relationships are good for these days?
Don't get me wrong, there are tons of people out there who are just curious or concerned. They just want to protect the people involved. Having been in a long distance relationship myself for the last four years, having kept most of it a secret from my family at all, I have come to completely understand that we, people in long distance relationships, need to be more open about it. In the future, as technology becomes even more prevalent and even better suited to support romantic relationships long distance relationships will be more normalized. Until then, though, we're tasked with explaining it to people who just might not understand it. I mean, how upset can we really get if we don't bother to even just try to explain it to others?
