Ever since I could remember, I loved music. I loved listening to my parent's old CD's in car. It was during my childhood I was introduced to legendary artists such as Pink Floyd, Fleetwood Mac, and Billy Joel. Actually, I remember the first song I bought on my first iPod was Billy Joel's piano man. I listened day in and day out to anything I could get my hands on just to get that feeling of happiness as I heard the progressions and chords spill out of the speakers or headphones.

As I grew older, I was presented with the opportunity to learn an instrument, and I chose the flute. It was here I encountered my first problem with music: My arms were not long enough to properly hold the instrument while playing, making my tone sound strange. I became discouraged, but I remember wanting terribly to play in the audition only town wide concert band, so I practiced endlessly, I think I drove my parents insane. Eventually I earned my chair in the group, and from that point on, I knew music would be a part of my life indefinitely.

I went through middle school, playing in every festival my band director signed us up for. We traveled out of state to festivals, and I remember the amazing feeling I had every time we were awarded for our hard work and dedication. It was here that I began to have my second issue with music. Since I was practicing more and more and assisting my director with instruction in any way I could, I had to improve my sight reading, counting, and musical expression. All this practicing lead to me being able to look a piece of music, and being able to actually hear it being played in my head. This became problematic as I needed more and more pieces to keep my mind busy. I began searching everywhere for pieces that would challenge me, and it most always ended in frustration.

I moved on to high school, and I quickly figured out that I was not as 'amazing' a musician I thought I was. I knew a lot, but luckily my director in high school pushed me to become better than I was by allowing me to play the upper parts, and eventually asking me if I wanted to try to learn a new instrument. I learned how to play brass, obviously not as well as my friends who played it natively, but I learned quick, and was able to play the new instrument for two years for our field show. From here, and by taking a class on music theory, I was able to secure the position to conduct the band for our field shows, and while this was the highlight of my high school career, it also started the main issue I have with music to this day.

For the life of me, I cannot listen to a song, no matter what genre, without critiquing, noticing, of analysing every second of the song. For example, I went to several concerts this past summer, and I loved every single one, but as the musicians played and sang, I saw the music in front of my face because my mind creates a visual to whatever music I hear. To make matter worse, if I can't see to figure out the exact way a song is written, I tend to scour the internet for the sheet music just so I can ease my mind, and enjoy the music once again.

Recently, I tested this phenomenon as I was procrastinating from studying for my finals. I listened to some classical music, and stumbled across the Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker Ballet in the spirit of Christmas, and my childhood was ruined. I just wanted to enjoy the ballet I used to dance for hours to in my grandma's living room, but the only thing I could focus on was how the music looked on paper, so I had searched Google for the sheet music so I could listen and watch.

All this being said, I would not give up my musical ability for anything. I can do a lot of cool things with my music ability and experience. I can pretty much predict how all songs with play through composition wise because of how well trained my ear is. I can harmonize while singing without even thinking about it, it just comes naturally. I can figure out how to play songs on the piano without any training on the piano, but just because I have experience building chords and making progressions. All I am saying that this one side effect to this gift is rather distracting when I just want to enjoy myself listening to music. I'd like to think I'm not the only musician who deals with this, so if anyone wants to try to console my feelings, I'd appreciate it. I hope you can enjoy music more so than I can.