When I came to Baldwin Wallace, I had a plan. I knew exactly what I wanted to do, and I knew exactly how I was going to get there. My life was planned. Then I started classes my freshman year, and things started to change. I started to think about other career paths, and about how my life could be different than I had planned. Maybe I didn’t want to be a Pre-Med Neuroscience and Biology major. Maybe I wanted to be an English major. The Liberal Arts Education I was receiving was changing the plan I had already made for myself. I don’t know what I want to do anymore.
After my first year I was beginning to become scared. I am the type of person who needs a ten year plan. I need to know what I am going to be doing next year and in five years and in ten years. I need reassurance that my life won’t be a complete failure. So, when I began to realize that I wasn’t exactly sure what I wanted to do anymore, I panicked. What was I going to? I started to think about all of my other options and quickly became overwhelmed. BW has so many different majors and minors that it can be easy to start to drown in the endless possibilities.
So, being someone who needed to plan, I began to find different options that would allow me to explore my options without completely destroying my plan. So, I joined the Odyssey to supplement my passion for English, and I began to shadow different doctors in order to figure out if I really wanted to be a doctor. See, I thought that this would help me. I thought that it would give me the obvious choice. But, it didn’t. It just solidified my love for both of those paths. So, again I began to panic. What the hell was I going to do now?
You see, I am a scientist by default. I was never very good at history or business or math, so I worked hard in science and it seemed to pay off. I was good at biology, so in high school I decided that I was going to take the scientific path. Soon I fell in love with science, and wanted to learn all that I could. Now, most people would think that this is a good thing, and it is if you aren’t already obsessed with something else.
I am a scientist by default but I am a writer by nature. I may not be the best, but for me writing is the only thing that always makes sense. I have kept a journal since I was seven, and I have written almost every day since I started. That’s my problem. I am in love with two things that don’t go together. I absolutely love to create new worlds, and characters to live in them, but I also love learning about the ways I can help people through medicine.
So, I’m stuck. I have absolutely no idea what I want to do, and the crazy thing is that I’m okay with it. BW is okay with it. At nineteen I don’t know what kind of life I am going to live, and that is normal. I’ve decided to ditch my ten year plan, and pursue whatever opportunities I am offered. BW has taught me that it is okay to be indecisive, and it is okay to be lost, because, who knows, maybe I’ll find an amazing career that has both of my loves in it. Or, maybe I will fall in love with something new. There are endless possibilities, and I am going to wander until I find the path I want to follow.
