You never think that one day you'll wake up and someone also close to you won't be there anymore. And then you sit there and think that just 24 hours ago you could hear their voice and their laugh, and now all you have are the memories.
It happens so fast, when you lose a loved one, it doesn't even seem real, and it is almost like you don't have time to process anything that happened. But especially as a child losing their parent, your whole world is flipped upside down.
Within the days of losing you, it seemed like almost 1,000 memories flashed through my head of growing up and all the laughs, the good and the bad times.
Now that you're not here I realize how much more time I should've spent with you. All those times when I was mad at you, I wish I would've known you always did what you did because you loved me.
But the thing that hurts the most is not having you here now. As I walk across the stage at graduation, I wish I could look out in the crowd and see you smiling. I wish I could watch your favorite movie with you, even though I've seen it 50 times.
I know that you not being here hasn't only broken my heart because I see the sadness in my siblings' eyes on your birthday or on Christmas morning. I know we all wish for the same thing in those moments, just to have you here.
I know you're with us in spirit, but that scares me because what if one day I can't remember the sound of your laugh, or what it sounded like to hear you sing? I constantly replay memories in my head to avoid losing those memories. Because honestly, nothing is more valuable.
As I sit here now, thinking of you and reminiscing, I still get a lump in my throat, and the wounds are still there. I know they will never truly heal.
I wish I could truly help others understand just have valuable every day is with their family because even one more day with you would've been life's greatest blessing. But this is something you can never learn or truly understand until it happens to you.
This world is a whole lot scarier and confusing without you... but I know one day all of that will go away when we are all together again.
Until then I will live every day knowing you are proud of me, and knowing how lucky I am to have had a wonderful life with you while I did.