I, Lord Commander? Sadly, No.
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I, Lord Commander? Sadly, No.

I was always under the impression that looking like a celebrity would have some benefits. And yet I am reaping 0 benefits.

I, Lord Commander? Sadly, No.
Matteo Garrone (Kit Harrington Photo) and Me

“Lord Commander;”

“I’m sorry, our people are not used to the customs this far below the wall;”

“You know nothing…” (Martin; A Storm of Swords).

These are three variations on things that have been said to me, mostly from the people I work with, but now friends are starting to utter these words as well. If none of these ring a bell for you, then this sounds like I socialize with some oddballs.

And while they are all odd in their own, endearing ways, there is nothing weird in what they are saying. These are all quotes or paraphrased quotes from HBO’s Game of Thrones. And if you know a thing or two about the books or show, you know that these statements are in reference to a particular character, who has become somewhat of a heartthrob, Jon Snow. Why do they say Jon Snow-sims to me, you may ask? No, it’s not because I’m a fangirl. No, I don’t even think Jon Snow is all that great of a character. Robb Stark was much more bad ass while Ned, Tyrion, Tywin, Jaime and Cersei all have a much stronger presence and steal almost every scene they’re in (Ned still steals scenes as they are constantly talking about him!).

No, they refer to me as Jono because I kind of look like him. The resemblance is by no means a spitting image, but there are vast similarities. We both have long, nearly black curly hair, in which we both wear the top half pulled back. Neither one of us looks happy. Ever. We both have a resting bitch face. And on those faces, that bullshit facial hair that’s patchy, and full here and not so much there, with our mustaches never fully connecting to our beards.

And if that wasn’t enough for you, we both are of similar build and stand at a whopping, 5’7 and a half feet tall. Actually, I am… he is “supposedly” 5’8, but I’ve done extensive research, and when I say extensive, I mean three or four days straight of not sleeping or eating and only looking at Kit Harrington photos where he is beside the female cast members. And the math just doesn’t add up. I’ve made charts and used protractors and rulers and compasses and he’s more like 5’6. That’s why I include my half inch because it’s important.

The only real difference is that he’s like catnip for chicks. Apparently, the brooding, worlds gonna end look only works if you’re British. Now I live in Pennsylvania, but I’m from New York, so I have a New York accent (which is obviously the sexier the two). Almost everything I say has “r’s” thrown into it. You say dog, I say dorg. You say coffee, I say corfee. You say sauce, I say sorce. So I’m somewhat exotic, to the Pennsylvania folk.

Aside from the accent’s, the similarities are definitely enough where chicks should be walking up to me and saying “Do you know you look like Jon Snow.” In which case, I can reply, “I know nothing.”

Boom. Checkmate. If you’re a Game Of Thrones fan, you know that’s an awesome pickup line for that situation. But that situation never happens! I’m literally this close to coming into work with the whole Night’s Watch get up. And honestly, I feel like that would backfire significantly faster before I saw positive results.

I don’t know what it is? Is my accent not as exotic as I thought? When Jon looks off in the distance, angry and cold, the ladies think he’s a stud muffin. But when I stare off into the distance, angry and cold, the ladies think I kick children when they walk by.

I thought if you look like a celebrity, that’s the golden ticket. People mistake you for actually being that person or they at least want a picture because you look so similar. I mean there’s this famous (or quasi-famous, or maybe not even famous at all, I saw him on Instagram once) guy who walks around in Los Angeles as a Johnny Depp look alike. And people take photos with him and think “Is that the king of 21 Jumpstreet or doth my eyes deceive me?”

The thing is, he DOESN’T look like Johnny Depp. Johnny Depp in Black Mass looks more like Johnny Depp then this guy. This dude walks around in some lose pirate-esque clothing, a fedora, and has similar hair. He’s taller and heavier, and nothing for nothing, nowhere near as good looking as Johnny Depp used to be ( I say “used to be” because Mr. Depp currently looks more like his Corpse Bride character).

My point is, that guy looks maybe ten percent like Johnny whereas I ranking in at the sixty percent tile at least. And now my real point is, if it hasn’t been made clear, I’m reaping none of those rewards. And that totally sucks. I feel sixty percent earns me some “are you Kit?” comments from time to time.

Chicks aside, there are so many benefits that are absent from my life. I could get free drinks at a bar because I’m the King of the North. I could get out of tickets because the officer would want to know how GOT ends, and I’d tell (despite having no clue aside from my theories). Heck, I could show up on set with the cast and crew of GOT, have a few laughs and then they’d say “Kit, are you taller?”

But obviously, the real problem is that apparently looking like Kit Harrington isn’t enough; I need to be Kit Harrington.

And my head isn’t flipped over three ways till Sunday so I’m not about to change everything until I’m Kit 2.0. Instead, I propose this solution: Sir Kit Harrington, if you’re reading this, and we all know that you’re an avid causal reader of SNHU Odyssey articles, particularly the ones I write (which at this point and time is only three, so thank you for being a loyal fan), you should come to the beer distributor where I work at and switch places with me.

Then we’ll see if everyone at work just assumes you’re me and whether or not you fair with the ladies any better. While you’re doing that, I have no problem pretending to be you and spending the day with Rose Leslie, she’s gorgeous and it drives me crazy that not only are you a couple as fictional characters but in real life as well when we both know I am in fact taller than you.

With that, the battle lines have been drawn, alliances have been formed and broken, casualties are numerous on both sides, but if you’re up for the challenge, you know where to find me. Or I guess you don’t since you know nothing. And don’t except any knee of mine to bend!

I eagerly await your reply and hope the final season of Game of Thrones is better than last season.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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