The Reality Of Living, Of Surviving, With High-Functioning Anxiety

The Reality Of Living, Of Surviving, With High-Functioning Anxiety

You know people with high-functioning anxiety, even if you do not know it.

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"Anxiety is terrible, you could be having an attack and no one would even know, because it's an inward thing. It feels like you're malfunctioning and you can't process your own thoughts. You get a knot in your stomach and you can't take a full breath, but outwardly you can literally just sit there and look completely normal, as long as no one tries to speak to you." — Anonymous / HealthyPlace.com

What people see when they look at me: happiness, perfectionism, dedication, responsibility, overachieving.

What people see when my anxiety becomes too much and starts to seep out through my every pore: my nail biting, my eczema, my leg-tapping, my teeth-chattering.

What people see, but do not realize is a result of my anxiety: texting multiple times in a row, trying to make plans for the future, seeking reassurance, showing a lot of appreciation for others.

What people do not see: my obsessive and circling thoughts, my rapid heartbeat, my crying in the bathroom and interacting with people four minutes later.

My anxiety, when everything in life is going well: "You have not achieved enough. Everyone is doing so much better than you are. You are too clingy. You care too much about people. People do not care about you. You are boring. You are a disappointment. You will not be happy in the future. Your loved ones are going to die."

But you do not see it. No one does. It is all in my head, literally.

Sometimes I isolate myself because the inside of my head is all of the noise that I can handle.

Sometimes I reach out to people 24/7 because I cannot stand even seven seconds of silence.

I am always prepared. I have a plan. Now, I can stray from the said plan, but there is a plan.

My planner is full of jotted down notes of appointments and times and assignments.

If I am not doing something, I feel overcome with guilt, even if there is nothing to do.

I need relaxation and self-care time to function, but that same stuff makes me feel guilty. It is a confusing life.

The thing is, my anxiety is not even totally about me.

It is also about the people I care about.

My anxiety, it is scared of disappointing others. It is scared of being a failure in their eyes.

Every day, I am doing what I want to make myself happy and pursuing my dreams and goals. However, all the while, I am thinking about making my loved ones proud.

I identify as a survivor, not as a struggler. By that I mean that I do not let my anxiety drag me down, but rather, I take it as a challenge to push me forward and make me stronger and more resilient.

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Everything You Will Miss If You Commit Suicide

The world needs you.
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You won't see the sunrise or have your favorite breakfast in the morning.

Instead, your family will mourn the sunrise because it means another day without you.

You will never stay up late talking to your friends or have a bonfire on a summer night.

You won't laugh until you cry again, or dance around and be silly.

You won't go on another adventure. You won't drive around under the moonlight and stars.

They'll miss you. They'll cry.

You won't fight with your siblings only to make up minutes later and laugh about it.

You won't get to interrogate your sister's fiancé when the time comes.

You won't be there to wipe away your mother's tears when she finds out that you're gone.

You won't be able to hug the ones that love you while they're waiting to wake up from the nightmare that had become their reality.

You won't be at your grandparents funeral, speaking about the good things they did in their life.

Instead, they will be at yours.

You won't find your purpose in life, the love of your life, get married or raise a family.

You won't celebrate another Christmas, Easter or birthday.

You won't turn another year older.

You will never see the places you've always dreamed of seeing.

You will not allow yourself the opportunity to get help.

This will be the last sunset you see.

You'll never see the sky change from a bright blue to purples, pinks, oranges, and yellows meshing together over the landscape again.

If the light has left your eyes and all you see is the darkness, know that it can get better. Let yourself get better.

This is what you will miss if you leave the world today.

This is who will care about you when you are gone.

You can change lives. But I hope it's not at the expense of yours.

We care. People care.

Don't let today be the end.

You don't have to live forever sad. You can be happy. It's not wrong to ask for help.

Thank you for staying. Thank you for fighting.

Suicide is a real problem that no one wants to talk about. I'm sure you're no different. But we need to talk about it. There is no difference between being suicidal and committing suicide. If someone tells you they want to kill themselves, do not think they won't do it. Do not just tell them, “Oh you'll be fine." Because when they aren't, you will wonder what you could have done to help. Sit with them however long you need to and tell them it will get better. Talk to them about their problems and tell them there is help. Be the help. Get them assistance. Remind them of all the things they will miss in life.

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255

Cover Image Credit: Brittani Norman

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CBD Oil: What Is It And What Are The Different Benefits?

CBD is a natural approach to traditional medicine, and it contains healing properties.

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The fascination with CBD has grown rapidly within the last year, and even within the last few months. This cannabis-like product has people interested because there are so many questions associated with it. People want to know if it's legal, if it's safe, or if it gets you high. To put it simply, CBD is known as cannabinoids, which possesses calm and tranquil properties. It does not have the psychoactive element, THC, that is normally found in marijuana. Instead, it is made from extracting CBD (cannabinoids) from the cannabis plant, and then turning it into CBD oil. It is now sold at places such as smoke shops and convenience stores. But what is so great about this anti-anxiety oil?

Most people who seek about CBD are doing so to help them relax or ease their pain. It is commonly seen in cancer treatments and for muscle recovery post-workout. It also helps with issues such as epilepsy, depression, acne, and anxiety. My dad, for example, uses a CBD lotion for his shoulder and back pain. He first heard about CBD oil through my aunt, who likes to put a few drops on her tongue daily. Ingesting it orally is, according to the smoke shop employee, beneficial for overall health. So if one is dealing with depression or anxiety, it's best to eat/drink CBD. For someone with pain in a specific spot, like my dad's shoulder pain, should look for a topical cream or something that is more direct. There are other ways to consume CBD besides tongue drops and lotion. On the market, there are different varieties of CBD gummies, such as gummy worms and sour patch. I've also seen it in oil cartridges or infused in water. In order to purchase CBD legally, you must be older than 18.

Last week my college had a venue where the School of Entrepreneurship students sold their products on campus. There were tents of all their student-run companies, and I enjoyed supporting local businesses. When I was there I bought an organic fudge brownie with 20mg of CBD (for only $5). I decided to workout and then take a bath, and eat the brownie right before the bath. It made my mental state feel very calm and it was relaxing after hitting the gym. I have also tried CBD gummy bears which taste pretty normal and those are also full-body calming effects. I am a fan of CBD and wish that is was less expensive and had easier access. It's great for college students who constantly feel the stress/pressure of their future. There are also a countless amount of celebrities who advocate for CBD. Some actors who heavily support the use of CBD are Seth Rogen, Morgan Freeman, and Tom Hanks.

Actor Seth Rogen started his own nonprofit, called Hilarity for Charity, that combats Alzheimer's. Rogen is large cannabis and CBD user, and he believes that CBD can help with Alzheimer's disease. He is an advocate for CBD law for medicinal purposes and believes that is can help with the symptoms. On Twitter, someone told Rogen that they had "restless leg" and he replied by saying "Try some CBD."

Another celebrity who has benefitted from CBD is none other than Morgan Freeman. After a 2008 car crash and developing intense fibromyalgia, Freeman decided to look into CBD treatment to help with his muscle pain. Now, he is an advocate for both cannabis and CBD because he has experienced the healing properties. Freeman believes in plant-based medicine because it is the more natural route.

Tom Hanks is one of the largest celebrities who has been an advocate for CBD. He developed type 2 diabetes over the years from stress and poor diet; Hank recently teamed up with a Cornell University student to study the medicinal properties of CBD for type 2 diabetes. He also enjoys it for the benefits of reducing anxiety and joint pain. Tom Hanks put it best when he said, "the benefits of CBD oil are unlike anything any pill or medication can do."

The following article has demonstrated all the different benefits that CBD oil has to offer. It is a more natural and holistic approach to traditional pharmaceutical medicine. I hope that in the next few years, cannabinoids become more popularized and the stigma behind cannabis medicine is dropped.

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