I met you when I was 14 and a bright, new freshman in high school. I had said I wanted nothing to do with relationships and that I would only ever focus on my career. I was goal driven and had no interest in romantics until I met you. You walked into my advisory classroom in a "Legend of Zelda" shirt and I thought time had slowed. Your smile caused my whole world to shake. But, you were my senior instructor, I could never hope to love you.
That didn't stop me though. I slowly started learning bits and pieces about you through friends, classmates, and media. You played baseball and track, were top of your class, wanted to be a doctor, lead in almost every play you'd been in, and loved the same nerdy shit I did. I was convinced we were soulmates. So I friended you on Facebook and started messaging you.
By this time I had turned 15, only from my friends did I discover you had a girlfriend. You had never mentioned her, but I said it didn't matter. I figured being your friend was enough. It wasn't for you. I had been honest from the start about my feelings for you and you took advantage of that. Asking for pictures and sexting, saying that maybe I could win you over. I resisted at first, but I wanted nothing more than for you to love me, so I did as you asked. However, pictures and messages weren't enough for you, so you started asking to hang out privately.
You pressured me into to sexual acts and I just laid there in fear and confusion. I let you use my body, for I didn't know any better. Then your girlfriend found out and you chose her over me, you told me I never had a chance and she was your first choice. She hated me and let the whole school know that a whore from the freshman class seduced her boyfriend. The whole school seemed like it turned against me. I was a mess of being assaulted and then ostracized by my school, so I didn't the only thing I could. Started dating one of your friends in the senior class to get over you.
He was nice enough and never forced me into anything, but it still wasn't legal or healthy. We broke up when he cheated on me and only a few days later, Sierra found your number and gave it to me saying you and your girlfriend broke up. I regret the day I decided to text you apologizing for what had happened to us. I let my abuser back into my life and you once again took advantage of me. Making me compete with other girls while using me for sex, christ I was only 16. It took almost a year of convincing, but I got you to love me and I stayed in an abusive relationship for almost four years.
Why did I stay? Because I thought we were soulmates. I believed what every teen romance novel had taught me that your first was meant to be your last. You were supposed to give your virginity to your soulmate and then spend happily ever after together. I let you cheat on me, lie to me, ignore me, and mistreat me, all in the name of love. I let myself become so depressed and suicidal from your life-sucking nature. That is until you decided to cheat on me with a 17/18-year-old from your work. She was fresh out of high school and a virgin, you had just graduated from Michigan State and were a manager at Mcdonald's. She was your employee and a child, but that never stopped you, did it?
When I read the messages between you two, I saw myself from six years ago. She was just like me, just a young and dumb child looking for love. That was my wake up call. I knew you'd never change. So, I kicked you out and you had the audacity to tell all your family and friends it was mutual. That is so funny, considering how many times you begged me to change my mind or said you'd win me back. I'm damaged because of you and I'm scared of romantic involvement; however, each day that you're gone, I feel myself growing stronger and happier. I still have a long road of therapy ahead of me, but I know my future is bright.
Writing my story for the Odyssey has been a huge step in my healing process, but now I think it is time to move on. I still plan to write articles, but no longer on my assault story. I feel like I have healed enough to start focusing my writing on other aspects of my life. I will write an article on the anniversary of my one-year commitment to being relationship free, as a follow up to my healing. Thank you to everyone who has been following my story and healing along with me. I hope you will continue to read my works and find happiness in your life.
A Girl And Her Pen
'Tis The Season! How To Thrive on Green Beer Day
Exploring The Expectations
