My dearest Adventure Buddy,

There are a handful of words I never got to say. You wrote me a letter with your goodbye. This is mine. I see you grew a beard. You always wanted one. I liked the job you had because you weren't allowed to grow facial hair. It was nice. Your smile is bigger than ever. I'm glad to see you're happy. If not, you know you can always give me a call. You'll get my number somehow. You always get what you want if you put your mind to it. I know that.

I hope Ozai is doing great. I hope you love your new job. I pray you still want to build a tiny house and that maroon is still your favorite color. It's been almost a year since we last talked. We ended hard and it was the worst fall I ever took. I wanted so badly for you to be the one. You wanted something different. I put my fight to rest. I've thought of you on so many occasions. Mostly, during adventures I wish you could've joined me on. If you find yourself loving someone new, love her the way I loved you. I want nothing more than for you to be as happy as you made me.

In three and a half years, I fell madly in love. We didn't have the perfect relationship and be honest.. does anyone? No. There has yet to be someone that appreciates my notes and letters the way you did. You kept every single one. I have an adventure book full and lonely. A worn prom dress hangs on the back of my door reminding me of a great night. Thank you for being unlike your siblings and going to a prom. Every note and photo saved in a box. I won't put out any wrong you or I did during our time together. That stays between us. I respect you greatly. Seeing you drive past me, on Merritt Boulevard occasionally, rips my heart out. I get all shaky and hot. I miss you. I miss us and the way things were. I wish it was all normal again.

Unfortunately, it was not meant to be. I let go of something great. So did you. I wish we could be friends but that's not how life goes. I wish you the best. Maybe I'll see you around for one last adventure. Maybe not. Either way, I truly wish you the best and I thank you deeply for every memory. You'll forever hold a place in my heart.

A few last thoughts. First, I've found my happiness. It hides between pages of books and within shelves of bookstores. After you, I did not let anyone else hold my happiness. Second, spending my money never makes me happy. Every time I spend it on materialistic items, I think of you. Third, the day I ever started loving someone else, was the day I hated. It made me think of you more than I already did. I care too. Please know, every day since we took that first walk, I loved you more than you could imagine. I'm sorry that I never showed it enough. I hope all is well. Stay grumpy.

Love,

Your Fail Whale.

P.S. Congrats on your Bachelors!