Dear Prior Middle School Student,
When I moved from fifth to sixth grade I lost every person I thought I was friends with. To put things in perspective, here is some background about me. I am not one to cry, or to let others bother me. I was and still am a very extroverted, happy person. It is a very rare occasion that I will be sad or upset. Now back to the story, almost everyday of sixth grade I came home and cried. All of my friends left me. To this day I still do not know what happened. I am still amicable with many of them, and have never expressed my feelings to them about what happened. To be completely honest I’m pretty sure they didn’t realize what they were doing. When this happened to me I was a rat like, chubby, middle schooler. I would come home and look in the mirror and question if they left me because I didn’t look like them, because I thought I was fat. I wouldn’t talk in class because I thought I may have been too loud, or too weird. I spent everyday of sixth grade just trying to get them to notice me and to understand why they left me. I was alone. I was left behind. I was stranded in the dirt to pick myself back up. I still haven’t. I still feel like I am sitting in the dirt with everyone looking down on me. I have yet to heal from what happened to me in middle school. I still don't understand why they left me, and for some reason every time I see them I feel self conscious. I cant walk through the hallways alone, because I am only thinking about what the people next to me are thing about me. I won’t walk up to get food alone because I don’t want people to think I don’t have friends. I spend all of my money on clothes, because if I go to school feeling like I don’t look nice I will have a horrible day.
I know these girls never meant to do this to me. I know I should move past this and realize them leaving me was their fault not mine. I know I am beautiful just the way I am. I know that people enjoy me for who I am, loud and excited. I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. I know all of these things, yet my mind is still stuck on I should wear pants so my things don't look as fat. I constantly feel like I am one step below everyone else.
This is not a call for attention. This is not an S.O.S signal. This is not a call for help. This is not a plea for pity. This is a message to those who have excluded, judged, forgotten, left behind, and bullied. Knock it off. It may seem harmless, but you never know what is really going on inside someone. The next time someone annoys you, and you don’t want to be friends with them anymore, suck it up. Do not exclude them. Do not talk about them behind their back and judge them. Do not be a bully. Do not leave them on their butt in the dirt.
This is also a message to anyone who feels the same way, you are not alone. This is to anyone who is self conscious. This is a message to anyone who thinks they are one step behind. This is a message to anyone who stares in the mirror and questions themselves. This is a message to a loud person who has made themselves quiet. This is a message to any rat like, chubby (or skinny) middle schooler. This is a message to anyone whose friends left them. This is a message to anyone who thinks the people behind them, are talking about them. This is a message to anyone who has been excluded, bullied, forgotten, judged, or left behind fallen in the dirt. I am lucky enough to have been able to pick myself up, to grow, and to have become stronger. As hard as it is, you need to stand up. You need to get out of the dirt. You need to realize you are worth so much more than what you make your self out to be.
A girl who has managed to stand up in the dirt.