For a long time, we, as a culture, have talked about the importance of just being able to let things go. I have preached it as advice myself as a huge part of my past. I have written about it and tried as hard as I could to embody it in my daily life. Go back a sentence and maybe highlight the word tried. Unfortunately, I can say with disappointment in myself that "letting go" and "moving on" are not really a part of my strong skills, and you know what? It's okay, because more often than not, other people will say the same thing.
We get to a point where giving advice is easy, but taking it, especially when it comes from our own mouths directed towards another, is a completely different story. I can tell you to just let go of that bad breakup, or that lost important possession, or a fight with a good friend, but if you were to ask me what I did when I was in a similar position, it certainly didn't involve taking any of the advice that I just gave to you. For such common directions, it is rarely mentioned that it is some of the hardest work in the world to actually follow through in the process of really, and I mean seriously, letting go of that huge piece of your life and moving past it.
Even worse than the times we are told to "let go and move on" are the times we hear the phrase "forgive, and forget." I'm sorry to be so blunt, but I call bullshit on that advice. My mom told me once that forgiveness really is important (tough, but really important), that forgetting is less than necessary. You shouldn't have to forget your past. As I think about that, it makes more and more sense to me. Forgiveness is hard . It's hard as hell and it's an uphill battle with the fact that most times, you would really just prefer not to forgive the person that hurt you in the first place. So, you wrestle with all that emotion, come to terms with all that pain, and finally find peace, but now you're just supposed to forget the whole thing? It's such a misdirected piece of advice. Maybe we should tell that person to forgive (at their own pace, we all cope differently) but remember the process you went through to find that forgiveness. By trying to forget, you give the person that hurt you far more of yourself than they deserve, but forgiving them, on the other hand, is for your own inner peace of mind, not theirs.
We're asked for advice, so we give that which is generic: let go, move on, forgive, forget, etc. We do it again and again, but neglect to realize what we are actually doing. So please, the next time you say it, remind them, and yourself, how hard it was to follow through with that advice when it was given to you. You hurt, you regretted, you tired, and eventually, you found a way to be better, knowing finally how mistaken you were when you told someone else to "try to let it go and move on."
