It Was 2018 When I Finally Learned To Love Myself

It Was 2018 When I Finally Learned To Love Myself

I still have a long way to go.

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I am 21 years old and growing up, I will admit I had low self-esteem. I did not like how I looked, how others looked at me and how others thought about me. I still struggle with it now. But as I am becoming more of an independent adult, I am slowly coming to terms that I am who I am and I should be happy with what I have.

Recently I learned the people and things I deserve are not always going to be in front of me and that I need to go out and get them. I am a people pleaser and a giver and there are times when I overlook the moments of me being taken advantage of. But that is not happening anymore. I will no longer drop everything for someone in order to help them. Especially when I know they will not do it for me.

I am tired of uneven friendships, relationships and work ethics.

It is 2018 and even though it is August I still have time to turn myself around. I will not wait for New Years, next week or tomorrow. I will start today. I am tired of being the person always going after friends, I deserve more than that. I value myself and others should see me without me putting myself in front of them.

I have met some people who like me for who I am and want to be around me without me having to ask all the time. That is what I want. So for the next year, things are changing. Some friends will be lost but it is all in the idea that I am growing up. I am at a new, , mature level of Deb. I have to think of my future, my own personal health and anything getting in the way I need to evaluate it and decide what is worth for me.

So this is for the girl who is looking for a change. This is for the girl that always doubted herself, her esteem, and her value. This is for the person who just needs the extra push to understand that you are worth more than what you think. I wish I came to this a lot earlier, but it is hard and I still have a long way to go. But I feel like I can slowly breathe again.

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You May Have Worn The Prom Dress With Him, But I Get To Wear The Wedding Dress

You had him in high school, but I get him for the rest of my life.
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High school seems like the best time of your life when you are in it. You think that all of your friends will be with you until the end, and that you will end up with whoever you are dating your senior year. For very few, that might just be the case. For all others, that is far from true.

You thought that you would marry your boyfriend and you thought that everything would work out how you had always imagined. I don't blame you though. He's great. You wanted everything with him, but you were just not right for him.

I wish I could say that I am sorry it didn't work out for you, but I can't. I can't because he is mine now, and I get to cherish him forever. You didn't do that right, and you were not meant to be together. You will find someone too, but I am happy that you were not the one for him.

Sometimes I have issues with jealousy, and I hate that you got all of the high school stuff with him. You got to go to games and support him. It kills me that I couldn't be there for him because I know I would have actually been there wholeheartedly. I would have done it out of love, not as a popularity appearance.

I hate that you got to go to all of the school dances with him. He got to see you all dressed up and probably told you how great you looked. I'm sure you did look great. Prom dresses were always fun to pick out and so colorful. It was exciting to match colors with your date. I am sure you had fun choosing his matching tux to your dress.

I find myself getting jealous, but then I stop. I am getting to match his tux with our wedding colors. I got to go dress shopping in a sea of white, and he doesn't get to know one detail about that dress yet. He will get to see me walk down the aisle and then every day forever. I get to love him forever.

I try to not get jealous of all of the things you got with him because it is all in the past. You had your time, and now I get the wedding. You got to dress up in high school, but I get to dress up for my wedding with him. He may have put a corsage on your wrist, but he will be putting the wedding ring on my finger.

Cover Image Credit: Jessy Scott

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If You Don't Prioritize Yourself, 2019 Won't Be Your Year

You should always put yourself first and don't let anyone tell you different.

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Every year starts out the same. Everyone adopts the "new year, new me" mantra, applying it to their everyday life, whether in a large aspect or a small one. Some people might stick to their goals, while others fall short and revert back to old habits (which is the category I tend to find myself under). Whether you stick to your goals or don't, something you need to ensure you always do no matter what is to put yourself first, or 2019 will be a disappointment.

You are your own worst enemy, so by putting others before you, you're only injuring yourself. Yes, I know it feels good when you do something great for someone else, but it doesn't feel so great when you're not being reciprocated for anything you have done. We don't do things expecting rewards, but if you're constantly loaning friends money when they don't have enough, whose bank account is really suffering? Evidentally not theirs if they're never spotting you or paying you back, yet can afford to constantly buy things. Prioritize yourself when you feel you're being taken advantage of and speak up, whether it's a situation like this one or something entirely different.

If you never put yourself first how do you expect to ever be truly happy? You are the one who controls your fate, if you want to subject yourself to ensuring the happiness of others before yourself, then that is your downfall. You need to make sure you are happy before you decide to help others find their happiness. You also cannot meet anyone to date that is worth your while until you're truly happy in your own skin.

Self-love is super important and it's really been stressed in recent years. Falling in love with yourself is the key to a happier, healthier life. I have never put myself first up until recently and was sabotaging my own happiness at the expense of others, who I thought would make me happy when they did the opposite. I tend to be too harsh on myself and how I look and act, but that is coming to an end this year. Before I do anything, I will stop and think about its effect on me before anyone else. If it doesn't benefit me whatsoever, I'm out. Unless of course, it's charity work or something along those lines.

Once you prioritize yourself, you'll notice your life begin to change for the positive. Cut out negative people who make you feel belittled and do not let them hurt you any longer. Update your wardrobe and spoil yourself. Buy those cute sneakers you've been eyeing or that new palette you've had in your shopping cart on Ulta. Whatever it is, don't forget to spoil yourself every now and then. Go see sunsets, go out for breakfast, meditate, or journal, but please please do what makes you happy no matter what it is.

2019 can very well be your year once you prioritize yourself. Even if you don't go to the gym every day like you want to, or can't give up going to Dunkin every day, as long as you put yourself first, everything will be the best it can possibly be.

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