Usually, my articles can be relatable to both men and women to a point, but ladies, this one is for you. I was talking with a friend recently and she was venting about a man (are we surprised?) but it boiled down to the fact that she felt like she had to be the one in pursuit of him- not the other way around.
This is a common thing that women face in general is the desire to be pursued. However, throughout my entire life, I have always been told that we as women are the connectors. We give men a safe place to express their feelings and usually bridge the gap between awkwardness and division between a group of people.
Because we hold this power of connection, there's another innate instinct to connect with specific men that we find interesting. Is there anything wrong with that? I don't think so. A connection is wonderful! However, this can lead to the not-fun territory where the desire for connection exceeds our desire to let the man do his job- the pursuit. We strive to develop a relationship so badly that we don't allow space for a man to be the one who is in charge of the undertaking.
My absolute favorite book is Captivating by John and Stasi Eldridge which follows the journey of a women's heart as she is pursued by the Father Heart of Jesus. The first 6 chapters, or 100 pages roughly, don't even mention being romanced by a man. Isn't that insane? It's a book about your heart as a woman, and it does not mention anyone other than Jesus for the first half. It discusses our childhood wounds, how to heal them, and where our heart stands before Jesus as his Eve.
The entire novel dates back to the Lord's intention for our heart since the beginning, and quite frankly- it is beautiful. The second half of the book does introduce men, but not in the way that you might think. It explains why we feel so safe in the presence of the right man and how the pursuit should look from his end. It also discusses, which I have found the most helpful, the consequences of giving too much of your heart to the wrong man and how that can wound you as a woman who is in pursuit of Jesus. Eldridge explains so beautifully that:
"No man can tell you who you are as a woman. No man is the verdict on your soul...Only God can tell you who you are. Only God can speak the answer you need to hear...Our core validation, our primary validation has to come from God. And until it does, until we look to him for the healing of our souls, our relationships are really hurt by looking to each other for something only God can give." (Page 154-155)
And ladies, it's okay if you need to read that over and OVER again. You deserve the pursuit. You also deserve to live in the truth that you are foremost validated by God. Let him do the pursuit and focus your eyes on God. Your relationship is worth it.
