I Know I Am More Than My Anxiety
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

I Know I Am More Than My Anxiety

Some days it drags along with me until I can't control it.

I Know I Am More Than My Anxiety

Everything is fine until someone is about to approach me. My skin becomes both cold and hot at the same time until I feel like I'm not in my own body. Suddenly I can't concentrate on anything, except for the person coming towards me.

No longer do I feel like I am living. I'm just observing now.

My deafening thoughts are bouncing around in my head until I can't control them. What if I say the wrong thing? I can guarantee I will. What if they think I'm acting weird? They do. Do they even like me? Maybe not.

Just breathe.

They ask me what I did today, and I have no idea what to say because it was nothing out of the ordinary. I think heavily until I realize I'm taking too long to react. Do I look confused?

I'm drowning.

I respond with something vague but did it make sense? I think I said the same thing twice. Did I? Oh God, why am I like this? Maybe I should slow down to make sure I enunciate.

What if they are bored with this conversation? Maybe I should go back to speaking faster but then I wouldn't make sense. Shit, I wasn't listening.

I think they said something along the lines of going out to eat with friends. I wish I could do that without being anxious.

They are staring at me and nodding to confirm that they are waiting to hear my thoughts. What's my opinion? Come up with something quick!

I say, "That's cool!", but I realize that I don't really sound interested. I add more to my comment but it came out in small stutters. This always happens.

Okay, now focus more on what they're saying. Great, here comes more people.

And sweat.

We all group up, just another group talk where I'm the quiet one. Just breathe.

I should be maintaining eye contact to show that I am listening, but where do I look if I'm not really a part of the conversation anymore? Do they think that I'm a horrible listener?

I can't help it.

I wish I was in my bed.

I chime in finally, but they don't really acknowledge my quiet voice. I wish I had a voice that didn't blend in with the noise.

Act like you don't care too much. But... I do.

I'm trying. I'm falling apart.

Breathe in, breathe out. Remember they are not judging you. So what if they are? You don't really care if they are, do you?

You look too serious, relax!

I am more than this. I know.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
the beatles
Wikipedia Commons

For as long as I can remember, I have been listening to The Beatles. Every year, my mom would appropriately blast “Birthday” on anyone’s birthday. I knew all of the words to “Back In The U.S.S.R” by the time I was 5 (Even though I had no idea what or where the U.S.S.R was). I grew up with John, Paul, George, and Ringo instead Justin, JC, Joey, Chris and Lance (I had to google N*SYNC to remember their names). The highlight of my short life was Paul McCartney in concert twice. I’m not someone to “fangirl” but those days I fangirled hard. The music of The Beatles has gotten me through everything. Their songs have brought me more joy, peace, and comfort. I can listen to them in any situation and find what I need. Here are the best lyrics from The Beatles for every and any occasion.

Keep Reading...Show less
Being Invisible The Best Super Power

The best superpower ever? Being invisible of course. Imagine just being able to go from seen to unseen on a dime. Who wouldn't want to have the opportunity to be invisible? Superman and Batman have nothing on being invisible with their superhero abilities. Here are some things that you could do while being invisible, because being invisible can benefit your social life too.

Keep Reading...Show less

19 Lessons I'll Never Forget from Growing Up In a Small Town

There have been many lessons learned.

houses under green sky
Photo by Alev Takil on Unsplash

Small towns certainly have their pros and cons. Many people who grow up in small towns find themselves counting the days until they get to escape their roots and plant new ones in bigger, "better" places. And that's fine. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought those same thoughts before too. We all have, but they say it's important to remember where you came from. When I think about where I come from, I can't help having an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for my roots. Being from a small town has taught me so many important lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Keep Reading...Show less
​a woman sitting at a table having a coffee

I can't say "thank you" enough to express how grateful I am for you coming into my life. You have made such a huge impact on my life. I would not be the person I am today without you and I know that you will keep inspiring me to become an even better version of myself.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

college students waiting in a long line in the hallway

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments