As a junior in college, it has come to my attention that there is so much I still have to do before I even hit my senior year. The pressure is weighing down on my shoulders and it feels like the air has been sucked out of me. As a sophomore, I used to think that those classes were so hard but little did I know HOW EASY I WAS HAVING IT.
I was taking these mediocre classes, crying about how much work I had to do, but in actuality, I had like a short assignment for each class that didn't require to leave the safety of my dorm at all.
But now, as a third-year journalism major, I'm dying. I'm taking classes that require me to go outside and talk to people. Actual people. Face to face.
Don't get me wrong, I know what it means to be a journalist. But I was able to do it from the safety of my room. There's this thing called Gmail and a cell phone. I needed to get the work I needed to get done for these classes, done. As a full-time student, I'm taking five other classes and have two jobs on campus. I don't have time to leave my room and talk to people.
I don't have time to go take pictures of a pond that cost me almost $50 to get to by an Uber. (I actually had to flesh out $50 for an Uber to take pictures for a class).
Am I getting reimbursed? Probably not. It's not like I'm getting paid for this either. I'm at a point in my college career where I can't turn back. I mean, technically I can, but I can't afford to.
This year, I'm taking some of the hardest classes of my major. They involve the most work and they are the closest thing to what it's like being a journalist. I don't know if the point of the class was to make me feel like I don't want to be a journalist because that is honestly how I feel.
Besides this major and all the BS that it put me through, that's not even what is weighing the most on my shoulders.
This is my last semester as a junior, meaning next fall semester I will be a senior. I'm scared. I'm scared of the future and all that can come with it. Being a first generation whose parents are relying on you to make it can paralyze you.
I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life and I'm struggling to find something that I'll be happy doing for the rest of life. There's this saying that if you're happy doing it, then it doesn't actually feel like work. I want to find that. I want to find the thing that I love doing so much that I'll be happy doing it for the rest of my life.
Like, I don't even want to be Lambo rich, I just want to make enough to pay my bills and have some left over. Is that so hard?