When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade, right? But what happens when life gives you sour lemons? Do we walk away without lemons or do we continue to make lemonade? The power of choice provides us with freedom, and that is such a beautiful thing. But maybe sometimes, just sometimes, it's not our choice- we don't get to choose what happens with our sour, sour lemons. We do not get to dodge life's biggest curveballs, but rather sometimes, we get hit. We get hit so hard that we are shaken at our core. Being there, during the Paris attacks, was my life's biggest curveball. It knocked me off my feet and challenged me whenever I tried to get back up. In order to better understand what I mean, I am going to take you on a journey of my psyche and explain how life's biggest inconveniences have changed me, for the better. I've learned, from this awful experience, that you can take so much positive from a negative, and grow both mentally and emotionally. I am proud to say I have a much better relationship with myself than before this unfortunate experience- and for that, I am ever grateful.

You see, before the attack in Paris, where I had been living and studying at the time, the world was a rather safe place. Yes, heights and planes scared me, the thought of a terrorist attack scared me, but it didn't exactly shake me. Because you see before the attacks, I was not alone and hurt and afraid, I was whole. I was happy and I was living life to the fullest. You see, ordinary daily tasks did not shake me- I could go out into the world and not think that this would be the last time I saw daylight. I was me and I was whole and I was living. There was not much that scared me and there was not much that shook me. My life as a young girl was ordinary, my life was stable.

But then you see something so terrible happened. One night at a bar with friends turned into a recurring nightmare, that haunted me for months on end. It turned into an anxiety that almost paralyzed me to my core. The Paris attacks shook me. The sight of dear Parisian friends weeping over their loved ones, the sound of ambulances and police cars zooming by the bar in hopes to save the people who were held hostage, to maybe save the people who's lives were less fortunate than mine, have been permanently stored in a dark place inside my brain. You see, the Paris attacks didn't just move me- they evoked the darkest thoughts and sentiments one could imagine. The anxiety that lived inside my fragile body corrupted my care-free happy living. It ruined my innocence.

But after you see, the anxiety did something that I never thought would happen. My anxiety and my shaken soul became enraged, enraged with anger and fear and a deep sorrow that sparked a fire. A fire that allowed me to grow. For months on end, I dealt with a fear of dying. The next person to get on the bus was the next person who could potentially kill me. But this fire, this fire wanted to kill that anxiety that was paralyzing me. This fire made me search, search for answers on how I could rewire my brain again and rid myself of this trauma. No matter what I did seemed to be just a dead end. The nightmares worsened, and the anxiety started to seep into other places of my life, places it was unwanted.

You see, I don't know why this happened to me. I'm just a normal girl living her life to the best of her ability. I didn't ask for this. But you see, today, I am grateful. Because you see I am happy to tell you that after doing a search deep in my soul, deep in my brain, I am STRONGER, and I am SMARTER. I am GRATEFUL that I wake up every morning. I am more grateful for my life, my family, and my friends than I have ever been. I am STRONGER than my anxiety- it does not define me. You see, I have searched into the far depths of my brain, depths that were untouched for almost 21 years of my living. In order to understand how I got to this place, I needed to go there. You see, I am BETTER than I was a few months ago, although I am not healed completely. I chose to not be consumed by the horrific attack that altered mine, and many people's lives.

You see, I chose to be free, free of what terrorism AIMS to do. I will not allow it to shake my core any longer than it has. I will continue to try to live my life, free from the chains that terrorism has once bound me too. In honor of the loved ones who died that night, I will do my best to live my life as fearful as possible, as I'm sure that's what they'd wish I would do.

You see although I had no choice in being affected by this situation, but here I am, wiser, stronger, more grateful, and more in touch with myself than I ever was- and for that, for that, I am powerful.

D.