Ah, cuffing season. That annual thing where people scramble about to find a significant other in time for the holidays.

Call me a romantic (or a jaded buzzkill), but I've never understood the hype of cuffing season. In my humble experience, long cold nights mean a chance to dust off soup recipes and experiment with gourds.* Also, an excuse to drink copious amounts of hot chocolate and pretend I'm living in a freezing garret in some old Romantic (with a capital R) novel.**

The state of my dorm room aside, I don't think cuffing season is that big a deal. But because I am a scientist at heart and by training, this is the part where I hit you with the facts.

The fact is, relationships are nice. Really, really nice. Humans are social animals who have evolved to coexist with and enjoy company. The actual and perceived social support that comes with relationships can also lead to better physical health.

However, the pressure to enter a relationship or find a significant other can just add to and increase stress. Relationships are nice, but not if they wear you out. Now, this isn't to say all relationships are horrible and hookup culture is hell on earth. Lots of people enjoy having another warm body to get them through the dark midwinter days. The problem arises when people think they absolutely need to have a partner to feel better. Because you don't.

Self-care is wonderful, necessary, and undervalued. One of my favorite quotes is, "Please fasten the oxygen mask over your face before helping others." Yes, it is from airplane safety videos (which I have seen too many of, to be honest), but it serves to illustrate a great point. You can't help someone if you aren't in a healthy place yourself. Rushing into relationships without caring for yourself isn't safe. Relationships, even temporary ones, require healthy communication and self-awareness to prevent emotional pain. And it is difficult to care properly for a relationship if you cannot even care for yourself.

You know what else is undervalued? Good old friendship. Not friends-with-benefits, or (excuse my language) fuck-buddy arrangements, but friendship. Because social support doesn't necessarily have to come from lovers or significant others or partners. It can come from people who care about you and are willing to watch "Happy Death Day"*** and eat a pint of expensive fudge ice cream with you after a breakup. Text some of your friends to watch Netflix and have a cook-in or get takeout, or have a self-care spa night featuring DIY face masks and skincare. Or round up a few people to spend a day on the town to visit clubs, museums, or art installations. Whatever floats your boat.

And if that isn't your style, do any (or all!) of those things by yourself, with an awesome playlist in the background. I like to think of these as movie-montage days, where I do a handful of fun and exciting things to spice up an otherwise monotone week. If you want more tips for self-care, check out this link.

So this cuffing season, if you're having trouble with the whole cuffing thing or just can't be bothered, don't worry about it! Hang out with friends to assuage the crushing loneliness, try weird warm foods to soothe the cold burrowing into your bones, and take some time to reconnect with yourself to fill the yearning in your soul.

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*There are so many types. Acorn squash, butternut squash, spaghetti squash, tiger pumpkin, white pumpkin, sugar pumpkin, regular old pumpkins, snake gourd, bottle gourd, that stripey Indian one my mom sends me twice a month…

**Seriously, the lighting in my dorm is so bad it could make whatever wretched candle stub Edgar Allen Poe used look like Times Square.

***The sequel is also really good. It's got a more sci-fi, "Back To The Future" vibe to it.