On the outside, it almost seems as though 2016 had been loaded with female empowerment – from Beyoncé and Lemonade to our support for Ke$ha through her trial and finally Hillary Clinton’s success with her campaign. A lot of people are saying 2016 was the year that us girls have made names for ourselves and are finally starting to be recognized as doing so. Now, I’ve never been a huge feminist – but I will say that I love the positivity and the idea of us ladies cheering each other on, wanting each other to succeed. But I’m confused.

Between all of these great triumphs and moments for women, I think my generation of girls needs to practice what we preach. I scroll through Twitter and constantly see memes and tweets about this idea of constantly “checking up” on our significant others (or hell, even our exes) on social media, or getting into huge fights when they won’t text us back after 3 minutes. Take a step back. Does this not sound just a little pathetic?

Now, I’m no hypocrite – I was this girl. I was in a relationship where there would be legitimate arguments when one of us liked a picture (via social media) that was of another guy/girl. We would get into fights when someone’s texts wouldn’t send – that’s right – an actual fight if someone had bad service. After we broke up, I would look through his Twitter, go on his Facebook, see if he was talking to or flirting with anyone else… This was weeks after we’d broken up. One day, I had been talking to someone new at the time, and I went through my daily morning routine of creeping on the good ole ex – when I realized it. I said to myself, “You are a psychopath.” People, this is the first step. Admit you’re nuts. Then move on. I simply stopped checking up on him and went about my life.

That is empowerment, ladies. It starts with dropping these pathetic habits and realizing that nobody is worth that amount of stress or time. Did Kate Middleton get Prince William back by texting him every day and asking all his friends if he ever thought about her? No. Kate Middleton got Prince Harry back by showing him she didn’t need him to be happy, successful, or to tell her she was beautiful. She knew she could be happy, successful, and was beautiful without his constant attention.

Let’s drop this neediness, the idea that your day depends on whether or not your boyfriend texts you in the morning. Instead, take some advice from a girl who’s been there. You’ll be much happier and far less dependent on others once you learn you don’t need the confirmation that you’re “good enough.” Know that you’re far better than “good enough,” with all your flaws and all your mistakes, act like it, and you’ll blow your own mind.