Fergie's new song; "M.I.L.F.$" is great for two reasons:
1. It has a dollar sign in the name.
2. It has a killer music video.
No, seriously, this is the music video to end all music videos. Move over, "You Belong With Me" because this one really takes the cake. Let me paint you a picture. The "M.I.L.F.$" video is basically a "Got Milk?" ad featuring a whole squad of other celeb moms. It also includes some nude bodysuits and some casual breastfeeding. Not picturing it yet? I guess I'll just have to show you some of the highlights. Basically, Fergie sing-raps while showing us that she's not a regular mom, she's a cool mom, obviously making this your how-to guide on being a great parent. I've broken it down into a few simple steps:
1. Pimp your ride.
When I was younger, this is the car my mom drove me to school in everyday:
And let me tell you, that thing never made it anywhere near a mountain.
Fergie's mom car looks like my mom's car if it got a "Princess Diaries" style makeover. Make sure your license plate says "MILFville" for an added touch of class. Also, do not google "MILFville" to see if it is a real place unless you want to be permanently scarred. You're welcome.
2. Pimp your hair and makeup.
True, your almond shape nails may be so sharp you'll have to wear oven mitts every time you want to make contact with another human, but they're nothing compared to the intense contouring you'll see in the carpool line from celeb moms like Kim K.
3. Know about nutrition.
There is a point in the video where Fergie is apparently instructing a class on nutrition, well, less nutrition and more a list of different kinds of milks plus the word "calories." That's really all you need to know, right?
4. Wear plastic.
Forget comfy clothes, according to Fergie, the best option for hot moms is some sort of shiny latex suit or nude leotard. The PTA will love it!
5. Have other hot mom friends.
Backing you up in similar latex getups, that is. Make sure to sprinkle in a few Victoria's Secret models and your squad will be complete.
Totally easy, right? Fergie is back and better than ever, check out the full video below to watch her in action.