Have you ever felt pain so intense you feel like life as you know it is over?

Have you ever felt happiness so strong that you couldn't wipe the smile off your face, no matter how hard you tried.

To truly get the feeling of this how I felt about him, listen to this song.

I should have seen it coming. I was blind to the fact that you didn't care about me as much as I cared about you. You dropped so many hints that I never picked up on, because you had me in the palm of your hand. Back then you could do no wrong in my eyes. I would make excuse as to why you never introduced me to your parents, why you never took me on a real date, why our relationship was kept a secret for so long. Now I wish I would have seen those things and realized just how stupid I was being. Words only mean so much when no actions are taken.

We went to school together, saw each other in the halls everyday, yet the only time you spoke to me were little comments when we passed each other, if I was lucky we would walk from lunch to class together. I look back and ask myself why did I even have an interest in someone who treated me like I didn’t matter. He did so many things that would have made it easy for me to leave and walk away from all of it… but I felt stuck.

I didn't want to give up.

I kept giving you chance after chance to redeem yourself. I kept telling myself that… “maybe if I give him one more chance, it could work.” He was like my drug, and I was addicted. I blamed myself for not making you happy enough. I was so busy loving you, and trying to make you love me back, I forgot about myself. I forgot that before you, I was happy, and I could be again. You treated me like I was disposable. Turns out, to you I was. You told me that you loved me, and you would always be there for me. Your sweet talk, the way you would pull me in, the feelings I had for you, at the time were just too hard to give up.

I wish I knew how his brain worked.

I wish I knew how you could tell someone you love them, when you didn't mean it. I can honestly say that I loved you. I vividly remember when things ended, so much so that it still in a way hurts. Not only did I cry over you, but I remember collapsing down on my knees curling up in a ball and sobbing. I felt like breaking, but I was already on the floor. It’s almost as if you took my feelings hostage, for years. I really did see the best in you, and I chose to only hold on to those few moments. It took me awhile to come to the realization that I’m so much better off without you.

Without you I am a stronger, more knowledgeable, and more protective of myself. I know what I deserve. You are no longer my drug. I’m giving you up. Now you’re just another sweet cruel memory.