"Now, picture your happy place,"
the guided meditation says calmly in my ear over the gentle music.
I take a deep breath and center myself.
Before I know it
my mind has taken me back to a memory I've lived many times.
"I'll be outside!"
I yell to my mom as I head out the back door of the house on Morton Street.
I don't wait for her response as I shut the door
the sound of the built-in blinds on the window hitting the glass all too familiar.
I find myself facing the swing set once again.
Mine is the yellow one second from the playset we haven't touched in a few years
and next to the supports that separate the other two swings.
No one else is allowed to swing there.
I plop myself into the swing and pull out my red 4th gen iPod Nano and headphones.
I plug in my headphones and put in the earbuds.
I scroll down to music
the familiar clicking only registering in my reflection
and hit play to shuffle all my music.
Some Carrie Underwood song starts playing in my ears
effectively blocking out the sounds of nature around me
and I shove the device into my shorts pocket
taking a moment to adjust it so the sharp corners won't jab me.
I grab onto the swing chains
the green coating a little sticky from melting in the summer sun.
I know it'll be on my hands later
but I've never cared.
I start swinging
singing along to the song in my ears
the view of the trampoline
the fence we stained with dad one summer that blocks the alley out back
and the big tree that keeps me in the shade when it's full of green leaves like it is now
is comforting to me.
It is just me and the music
singing loud and proud
unaffected by the worries of the day.
Then an ad breaks me out of the trance as the guided meditation ends.
I open my eyes and find myself in the backyard at the house in Pendleton once more
still sitting on that same swing though.
I sigh softly and pull my phone from my shorts pocket.
I exit the YouTube app and click on music.
I turn on Carrie Underwood and put my phone back in my pocket.
I start swinging
singing once more
but quieter now as I'm very aware that I don't know my neighbors.
Even still
I smile slightly.
It may not be the same
but it was never about the place.
It was about the swing set and the music.
And I still have both of those after all this time.
