I wish someone had told me,

As I filled out applications,

A hope for salvation,

Of my twisted up soul.

That the promise of rebirth,

Uplifted by thrown caps,

And black gowns,

And one white dress.

Would not explode

All at once--

There was no enlightenment

To be found...

In communal showers,

And late hours,

Wondering when

I would start feeling

Renewed.

Everyday walking past

The same unnamed faces.

Sucking foreign air into

My suffocated lungs;

Over, and over,

Hoping it may stop

Feeling. So. foreign.

I wish someone had told me,

That for every good moment

There would be three bad ones,

And that there would still be

Days when I was consumed

By loneliness.

I wish someone had told me,

That my revival would not be

Found on Friday nights,

Tucked away, inside

Myself, too anxious to

Move.

But more than anything…

I wish someone had told me,

That I would not find myself

In those happy moments,

But only in the aftermath

Of all the bad ones.

And that there is a

Reason why the phrase

“Growing pains”

Includes the word

Pain.

We only grow

In response to

Our trials.

We see that we

Are still here,

And so we keep

Going.

So don’t be afraid

Of the pain,

It just means

you are

Growing.