67 Things To Know About 'Game Of Thrones' Before Watching The Final Season

67 Things You Need To Know About 'Game Of Thrones' Before Watching The Final Season

I write, and I know things.

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Spoiler warning: "Game of Thrones"

In honor of the premiere of the last season of "Game of Thrones" this past Sunday, I think it's important to review what has happened leading up to this point. As someone who has been watching the series for a while, after watching the first episode of Season 8, I feel like I need a refresher.

Because let's be real, this show is CRAZY.

With seven full seasons, 67 episodes between the seven seasons, each an hour long, that's 67 hours of "Game of Thrones." It is nearly impossible to remember EVERYTHING that's happened throughout the seasons. Of course, if I was going to recount everything that happened on the show, this article would be 2,000-plus pages long, instead, I'm going to go season by season and include only the most important (or most shocking) aspects.

Please be warned... spoilers are coming.

Season 1

1. Robert Baratheon, King of Westeros and old friend of Ned Stark, comes to Winterfell to ask for Ned's help.

2. Cersei Lannister, Robert's wife, and her twin brother Jaime are lovers. When Bran catches them, they push him off the tower, leaving Bran paralyzed.

3. Tyrion Lannister, the dwarf brother of Cersei and Jaime, goes north with Jon Snow to The Wall where Jon intends to "take the black."

4. Tyrion is arrested by Catelyn as she believes he is responsible for Bran's fall. He is imprisoned in the Vale. Bronn fights on his behalf and frees him.

5. Robert is injured in a hunting accident, and Ned is named Protector of the Realm.

6. Ned wants to give his title to Stannis, but is betrayed by "Little Finger" and beheaded by Jeoffrey.

7. Sansa is arrested, but Arya escapes.

8. Rob Stark becomes Lord of Winterfell and rallies a northern army to avenge his father's death.

9. Daenerys Targaryen is married to Khal Drogo, the leader of the Dothraki.

10. Daenerys proves her dragon blood by hatching three dragon eggs.

Season 2

1. Tyrion takes over as Hand of the King fo King Jeoffrey (his nephew), while Stannis plots to take the throne due to Jeoffrey's illegitimacy.

2. Robb Stark has Jaime Lannister as his prisoner.

3. Theon Greyjoy is sent to seek an alliance with his father, but rejoins the family and lays siege to Winterfell in Robb's absence.

4. Bran and Rickon are forced into hiding when Theon comes to Winterfell.

5. Catelyn goes to Renly Baratheon, youngest of the Baratheon brothers, to seek an alliance. Renly refuses and is murdered by a shadow figure conjured by Melisandre.

6. Catelyn is accused of the assassination and flees with Brianne of Tarth.

7. Jon Snow discovers that infant sacrifices are being made to the White Walkers. He joins forces with the Wildlings.

8. Arya is captured by Lannister men, forced into the service of Tywin Lannister (Cersei, Jaime, and Tyrion's father), and eventually escapes with one of the Faceless Men of Essos.

9. When Stannis's fleet arrives at King's Landing, Tyrion sets fire to the ships, causing Stannis to retreat.

10. Daenerys arrives in Qarth, but is quickly captured along with her dragons inside the House of the Undying.

Season 3

1. Tywin takes over as Hand of the King, and Tyrion is forced into marriage with Sansa.

2. Jeoffrey is pledged to Margery Tyrell, Renly's widow.

3. Jon Snow is still living with the Wildlings, working with their leader Mance, and falling in love with Ygritte.

4. Robb Stark is pledged to Frey's daughter in an attempt to make an alliance, but he falls in love with Talisa, a healer. She becomes pregnant with his child.

5. Frey invites the Starks to his daughter's wedding and butchers Robb, Catelyn, Talisa, their unborn child, and their men.

6. Arya witnesses the killings and flees with "The Hound."

7. Roose Bolton is made Warden of the North.

8. Bran discovers he is a Warg and can enter the body of animals and other people.

9. Brianne begins the journey to King's Landing to return Jaime to his family in return for Sansa.

10. Daenerys gathers an army of thousands called the Unsullied.

Season 4

1. Jeoffrey is poisoned at his wedding to Margery. Sansa is suspected, but rescued and shipped off to the Vale by Littlefinger.

2. Lysa Arryn, Sansa's aunt, attempts to push her out of The Moon Door, but instead, Baelish pushes her. She dies.

3. When Brianne and Jaime arrive at King's Landing, they find that Sansa has escaped. Brianne vows to find her.

4. Cersei blames Tyrion for Jeoffrey's death and imprisons him.

5. Oberyn, prince of Dorn, fights on Tyrion's behalf against The Mountain in "trail by combat," but loses.

6. Jaime frees Tyrion — Tyrion then finds his father with his mistress Shae. He murders him with a crossbow and strangles Shae to death.

7. Ramsey, Roose Bolton's bastard, has captured Theon and tortured him to the point of claiming a new identity: Reek.

8. Jon Snow returns to Castle Black to warn the Watch of the Wildlings plans to seize The Wall.

9. Brianne finds Arya and The Hound and attempts to rescue Arya, but instead lets her get away.

10. Arya leaves for Bravvos to study in The House of Black and White.

Season 5

1. Stannis defeats Mance and the Wildlings, and Jon Snow is voted leader of the Night's Watch.

2. Melisandre convinces Stannis to sacrifice his daughter to the Lord of Light to ensure victory in battle. Stannis does so, burning her at the stake, but his men lose all respect for him.

3. Sansa returns to Winterfell and is engaged to Ramsey Bolton.

4. Stannis attempts to take Winterfell, but is slain by Brianne of Tarth.

5. During the battle, Sansa and Theon escape Winterfell.

6. Cersei has Margery imprisoned for lying in court about her brother's sexuality. In the process, however, she reveals her own sexual impurities and is made to walk through the Capital naked and covered in dirt.

7. Daenerys takes over the city of Meereen, but creates a group of enemies called the Sons of the Harpy.

8. Daenerys is rescued by Drogon, one of her dragons, and taken away from Meereen where she is captured by a Dothraki army.

9. Tyrion becomes Hand of the Queen to Daenerys.

10. Jon Snow leads an expedition to save the Wildlings, but can only return with a few. Other members of the Watch disagree with his actions and kill him.

Season 6

1. Jon Snow is raised from the dead by Melisandre and plans to take back Winterfell.

2. Ramsey puts up a good fight against Jon, but when The Vale enters the battle unexpectedly, Ramsey is defeated and fed to his own dogs.

3. Cersei is still being tried for her crimes but decides to use the last of the Wildfire to destroy the Great Sept of Baelor. In the process, she killed the High Sparrow and Margery. Tommen is distraught and kills himself.

4. Daenerys is being held captive by the Dothraki as they believe she must live in seclusion like the other Khal's widows. She convinces them she has powers when she walks through the fire without being burned.

5. Theon, now free, goes to the Iron Islands and finds his sister. Together they plan to steal the fleet of ships from their uncle and join Daenerys's cause.

6. Arya kills Walter Frey as revenge for his part in the killing of her brother and mother.

7. Bran becomes "The Three-eyed Raven" when the Night King kills his processor.

Season 7

1. Daenerys sails on the Frey ships with both the Dothraki and Unsullied armies. Melisandre attempts to convince her to seduce Jon Snow.

2. Jon meets Daenerys at Dragonstone and they agree to send Yara and the Unsullied to King's Landing.

3. Euron Greyjoy, the uncle of Yara and Theon, proposes to Cersei. She has conditions claiming he must defeat Yara's army. He does.

4. Jaime leads the fight against the Dothraki.

5. Drogon is injured during battle.

6. Jon and Daenerys decide to call a truce with Cersei. They leave to find a White Walker to bring back as proof.

7. Jon is captured by the Night King, saved by Daenerys, but Viserion, one of Daenerys's dragons, is killed and reanimated by the Night King in the process.

8. Jon and Daenerys bring the White Walker to King's Landing to gain Cersei's support. They then return to Winterfell where the two share a moment.

9. Bran is reunited with Arya and Sansa where he reveals that Littlefinger is the one who killed John Arryn. Sansa has him killed.

10. Bran also discovers that Jon is not Ned's bastard, but a Targaryen with a claim to the Iron Throne.

Let me just say, narrowing down each season into no more than ten key points was SO DIFFICULT. But, hopefully, this little bit of information helps you understand Season 8 and the episodes to come!

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I Went To "The Bachelor" Auditions

And here's why you won’t be seeing me on TV.
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It’s finally time to admit my guilty pleasure: I have always been a huge fan of The Bachelor.

I can readily admit that I’ve been a part of Bachelor fantasy leagues, watch parties, solo watching — you name it, I’ve gone the whole nine yards. While I will admit that the show can be incredibly trashy at times, something about it makes me want to watch it that much more. So when I found out that The Bachelor was holding auditions in Houston, I had to investigate.

While I never had the intention of actually auditioning, there was no way I would miss an opportunity to spend some time people watching and check out the filming location of one of my favorite TV shows.

The casting location of The Bachelor, The Downtown Aquarium in Houston, was less than two blocks away from my office. I assumed that I would easily be able to spot the audition line, secretly hoping that the endless line of people would beg the question: what fish could draw THAT big of a crowd?

As I trekked around the tanks full of aquatic creatures in my bright pink dress and heels (feeling somewhat silly for being in such nice clothes in an aquarium and being really proud of myself for somewhat looking the part), I realized that these auditions would be a lot harder to find than I thought.

Finally, I followed the scent of hairspray leading me up the elevator to the third floor of the aquarium.

The doors slid open. I found myself at the end of a large line of 20-something-year-old men and women and I could feel all eyes on me, their next competitor. I watched as one woman pulled out her travel sized hair curler, someone practiced answering interview questions with a companion, and a man (who was definitely a little too old to be the next bachelor) trying out his own pick-up lines on some of the women standing next to him.

I walked to the end of the line (trying to maintain my nonchalant attitude — I don’t want to find love on a TV show). As I looked around, I realized that one woman had not taken her eyes off of me. She batted her fake eyelashes and looked at her friend, mumbling something about the *grumble mumble* “girl in the pink dress.”

I felt a wave of insecurity as I looked down at my body, immediately beginning to recognize the minor flaws in my appearance.

The string hanging off my dress, the bruise on my ankle, the smudge of mascara I was sure I had on the left corner of my eye. I could feel myself begin to sweat. These women were all so gorgeous. Everyone’s hair was perfectly in place, their eyeliner was done flawlessly, and most of them looked like they had just walked off the runway. Obviously, I stuck out like a sore thumb.

I walked over to the couches and sat down. For someone who for the most part spent most of the two hours each Monday night mocking the cast, I was shocked by how much pressure and tension I felt in the room.

A cop, stationed outside the audition room, looked over at me. After a brief explanation that I was just there to watch, he smiled and offered me a tour around the audition space. I watched the lines of beautiful people walk in and out of the space, realizing that each and every one of these contestants to-be was fixated on their own flaws rather than actually worrying about “love.”

Being with all these people, I can see why it’s so easy to get sucked into the fantasy. Reality TV sells because it’s different than real life. And really, what girl wouldn’t like a rose?

Why was I so intimidated by these people? Reality TV is actually the biggest oxymoron. In real life, one person doesn’t get to call all the shots. Every night isn’t going to be in a helicopter looking over the south of France. A real relationship depends on more than the first impression.

The best part of being in a relationship is the reality. The best part about yourself isn’t your high heels. It’s not the perfect dress or the great pick-up lines. It’s being with the person that you can be real with. While I will always be a fan of The Bachelor franchise, this was a nice dose of reality. I think I’ll stick to my cheap sushi dates and getting caught in the rain.

But for anyone who wants to be on The Bachelor, let me just tell you: Your mom was right. There really are a lot of fish in the sea. Or at least at the aquarium.

Cover Image Credit: The Cut

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Check out all the great TV shows returning during May.

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